Skyrim, Being a Bodacious Dragonborn Warrior

So...
Audience! I wrote a lil while ago (let's not count months shall we?) a blog post about Skyrim. The post went over really well since it covered both the basic history of Tamriel as well as tips for being a successful thief in Skyrim. Now this post won't be as informative about Elder Scrolls history; for that information please just click that handy little link above to my previous Skyrim article. It saves both of us so much time.

As the title states, this post is about being a warrior in the land of Skyrim. Being a warrior (by my definition for my three main characters) means doing warrior-like quests and what not. Thor (not original but don't care) my Nord warrior is not involved with the thieves guild or enlisted in the Dark Brotherhood or paid to perform mercenary work or under the control of schmucky Daedra Princes; I'm looking at you Molag Bal. In any case the point is Thor is a good guy. He did accidentally kill one of his rescue assignments once (the guy had his weapon drawn) but the Companions overlooked that minor slip up. Before I go on with details on the silvery Companions and Dawnguard fighters, let's bullet this post!

• Being a warrior has it's difficulties, like magic hurts a lot I mean A LOT
• Armor (armour for some of you) is everything and looks badass
• Healing spells, still necessary
• Shield Brothers
• Running around hacking giants to bits is wonderful
• You can carry a looooooooooooot of stuff
• Sneaking is hard
• Magic is difficult
• Two handed is easy
• Block is simple
• Heavy armor is a breeze
• Smithing is so much fun
• Enchanting becomes your bestie always
• Vilkas and Serana 

There you have it audience. Everything you need to know about being a warrior in Skyrim. Laters, I'm sleepy due to spore. Damn attack hits me every, *yawn*, time...zzz

Wait what? Oops. That would've been a little too short of a post. We have so much more to go over my darlings. So very much.

Let us start with the beginning as a warrior. Like any character you deal with a dragon interrupting your execution and being one of the few survivors of the fiery ordeal. Unlike a thief or mage however, you choose the warrior stone at the standing stone circle outside of Riverwood. The warrior stone enables all skills designated as "warrior" to level up twenty percent faster than all others. This includes Heavy Armor, Two-Handed, Block, One-handed, and Smithing. Although armor and weapon play are important, smithing is far more the nugget of this batch of goodies. Also block sucks to level up without finding a guillotine trap or bandit archer. Seriously it's a shield. Why even have perks?

Essentially what Thor looks like

Back to smithing. Smithing is where you are able to play blacksmith at the local armory. There you have all the tools you need to craft armor, swords, battle-axes, maces, and jewelry. Also bows and arrows but those are thieving weapons; warriors done crossbows. The higher the smithing level the more variety you have on what kinds of armor you want. In fact the smithing perk tree is a bit odd. Rather than have two paths that end in a different "maxed out" trait, this tree ends on the same perk. Can you guess what it is? I'll give you a hint, it has something to do with- naw screw that. Hints are annoying me at the moment. It's Dragon armor. That's right DRAGON armor.

What's that audience? Some of you don't care about dragon armor? As I told my girls at camp (I'm a counselor each year) if they sang anything from Frozen's soundtrack I would mildly tell them to, "GET OUT." Comically of course. Dragons rule and Frozen, well let's leave my opinion about that for another blog. Dragons rule, end of diatribe.

To be honest the dragon armor could have looked far more awesome. There are two sets of it, Dragon Scale (perfectly named for yours truly) and Dragon Bone armor. Bone is stronger but looks so clunky since it's the Heavy Armor of the two. Scale is better but like Glass is ruined by the helmet. Seriously, why do Light Armor helmets always suck? The best looking armor and my personal favorite from both Skyrim and Oblivion is the Daedra armor. It is worth the climb up the skill tree audience. Not only is it black with a glowing red undertone BUT you look like this: 

Open the gates of Oblivion maggots!

Yeah resembling Sauron from the LOTR trilogy is sweet. I have Thor even wielding a mace. I'm not big on the two-handed battle-hammers. 

So you're probably wondering how long it will take to level up smithing? Happily audience not long at all. In fact there are two methods and one involves leveling enchanting as well.

Enchanting is a mage skill but can be leveled quickly and easily alongside the smithing skill. The only issue with enchanting is finding filled soul gems. See enchanting involves the use of "soul capture" which is where you put a spell on a creature or human that steals their soul once they die. There are different sized souls ranging from petty to grand to black. A black soul belongs to a human or vampire or werewolf character. These are technically the no-no souls since they are frequently used by necromancers. Plus they require black soul gems which none of the court wizards keep in stock. However, you can acquire soul gems (even filled ones) early in the game without being a thief or Daedra worshipper. What you need to do is go to the invisible chest in Dawnstar (not Dawnguard but rather the hold in the Pale) owned by a Khajiit merchant. Seriously I'm not making this up. There's a chest and it has stuff in it including soul gems and...just follow the link for details.

Now you have your soul gems and are ready to enchant! Well except you need to know some enchantments and have some things to enchant. Knowing is not difficult. Simply destroy either weapons or clothing that already have an enchantment to learn the power. For instance if you find a fire dagger on a bandit, you can destroy the weapon at an enchanting table (found everywhere there is court wizard and a Jarl Palace) thus forever learning the fire damage enchantment. It's rather useful. You can even destroy your wedding ring. Yeah, I did that and the missus doesn't seem to care. 

About the things to enchant though, that's where smithing comes in. There happens to be a spell called Transmute than can be acquired whenever in the game. Enemies level up with you in most cases involving caves and I happened nab this at level eight so, yeah. It's doable early on. What transmute does is it turns iron ore into silver ore and silver ore into gold ore. Iron ore is plentiful in Skyrim and always available from merchants and blacksmiths. It's cheap too, so so cheap.

"Come to see Balimund perform miracles with steel eh?"

You do need some patience with transmute since it is an Adept level Alteration spell. What this means is it the spell costs a decent amount of magicka and is slow to regenerate unless you've many Alteration perks. Just drink potions or wait an hour to replenish your magicka, it's worth it. What you do once you have several chunks of gold ore is smelt it into ingots. It takes two ore to make one ingot for most materials so stock up! Once you have gold ingots you can smith some jewelry. The most useful item you can make from gold (for enchanting and leveling purposes) is a gold ring. Or should I say two gold rings. One ingot makes two rings. Excellent. By the way, all of this transmuting goes directly to your Alteration tree which increases your overall level. Really it's two birds with one stone in three ways; multitasking inception with Alteration (iron to gold), smithing (ingots to rings), and enchanting (rings to magic rings). You also can sell the rings for a profit. After all the soul gems were free from the chest and the iron ore costs so little. You my warrior loving audience are off to a profitable start.

Quick Tip: The other way to quickly level smithing is by making iron daggers. They are cheap to make and once again you can craft your own ingots. Just remember to sell them less you want to be over encumbered.

About that time I noticed the girl scout was six feet tall and from the late Paleozoic era. Ha, I love that quote. After gaining some "tree-fitty" from the local merchants and cranking up those skill trees, it's time to do some serious questing. Boy are you in for a treat audience. I give you the Companions and Dawnguard. But first my shield brothers. Sorry Serana, you need to wait your turn.

The Companions guild (or group since they are leaderless) is located in Whiterun at the old mead hall Jorrvaskr. It is the reincarnation of the Fighter's Guild from Oblivion with a few minor changes. The arena is missing and now you can become a werewolf.

Warning: Being a werewolf is overpowering and amazing in the earlier levels of the game. However it becomes a weaker form in the later stages, around level thirty seven, and more of a gimmick. 

Personally I enjoy being a werewolf more than a vampire since the form is totally optional. It acts as a power and therefore can only be used once per day. Also it is fun to go around slashing things to bits and howling at the moon. Plus wild wolfs and your shield brothers are able to join you in lupus battles. This is an optional aspect of the Companions which you can deny while being able to finishing the story line. Fear not! I will not spoil anything from that juicy timeline of quests. You'll have to play yourself for those details audience. Rather I'll go in to some of the advantages of the Companions namely the shield brothers and the Ring of Hircine.

Vilkas is my favorite shield brother or companion friend. The reasoning behind this is well, his voice is lovely and he trains Heavy Armor. He mainly is there to act as a follower who helps you on your quests. You can customize his armor (my Vilkas has exceptional Ebony armor) and weapons to make him a better fighter as well as use him to carry some extra items in case you become over encumbered while questing. He comments on various places you go and is useful in a tough battle. Plus he's also a werewolf so there's that companionship. The voice thing is preference and for those of you looking for sassy females might want to team up with Aela; she also trains archery by the by. Teaming up with a trainer is useful for when you are so close to that level up but just don't have the willpower to farm skill trees. Instead you talk to your companion and ask for them to train you until you hit the next level. Then (this is the trick) you ask to share inventory with them and take back all the gold you spent on training. Free training and friendship, what a deal.

Besides that there's not much I can say about the Companions without spoiling quests. Ah, well I can go into werewolves a bit more. As I said earlier being a werewolf is awesome in the beginning of the game but loses it's luster as your enemies level up. If you didn't level up your werewolf in the beginning and now wish to boost that perk tree (oh yes both werewolves and vampire lords have perk trees) there are a few tricks of the trade. The way to climb the wolf bound perk tree is to feed on fresh corpses left by your victims. In other words dead bandits. Earlier I mentioned that "werewolf" is a power. What that means is that you can only change into a werewolf once a day. This is somewhat annoying when you want to level up those perks. How to go around this? Ring of Hircine. Hircine is the Daedric Prince of werewolves and provides this very useful trinket for your wolf bound character. When worn, the ring enables you to turn into a werewolf as many times as you like. The ring is listed under your power section of Magic (odd but it is) and functions very much like your normal werewolf change.

Such a good guy

Remember Thor is a good guy, he doesn't feed on innocents. The loophole is that you don't have to kill your feeding vessels while in your werewolf form. Instead, slaughter a bandit camp as a terrifying force of Daedric armor and change into a werewolf afterwards. You then can feed quite easily on the dead corpses. Once finished have your character wait a few hours in order to exit the werewolf form. Yes this is annoying but the only way to return to your human form is to allow time to pass.

Warning: When going through the Ring of Hircine quest make sure to kill the mercenaries who are seeking Sinding otherwise you will not obtain the curse free ring.

Right-o let's finish up this post with a few details on Dawnguard. Serana, a lovable lady I name dropped earlier, is an ancient vampire lord. She is a central character in the DLC (downloadable content) Dawnguard. The word Dawnguard refers to a fraction of vampire hunters located in the western area of the Rift. They have sworn themselves to destroying the rising vampire lord Harkon who happens to be Serana's bat-shit crazy father. Harkon's goal is to block out the sun and have vampires devour the world under his rule. Obviously you want to stop this. Now dear audience you have a choice; you can either side with Harkon (temporarily) and become a vampire lord, or stay loyal to the Dawnguard. Regardless of your choice you will be able to kick his guano covered butt later on as well as team up with Serana. She is a strong follower who not only shoots ice blasts but also summons dead corpses to fight alongside you. This is nice when you slay a daedra or another vampire. Doesn't feel so great being on the Harkon side now does it blood sucking fiends! No offence Serana. By the way, Thor stayed loyal to Dawnguard.

What is so special about the Dawnguard you ask? I did happen to mention something about warriors using crossbows earlier in this post darlings. Crossbows are tricky to use at first (if you're accustomed to a bow) but pack a huge punch and come with a variety of magical bolts. Without being a part of the Dawnguard you won't learn how to craft crossbows or magical bolts. That sucks for any warrior. Especially when you can have Dwemer styled crossbows that the Dwarven Spheres use. Those robotic bastards are a pain to slaughter. Instead of your blood rusting on their bronze butts, you can annihilate them with exploding bolts of shock. It's rather amusing to watch them burst from electric surges.

I am a creepy nuisance

Crossbows by far are the best perk of the Dawnguard. However, there is one more thing that makes Dawnguard worthwhile. How many of you love dogs? I know I do. And of those of you who have souls and adore canines, how many enjoy the look of the husky breed? It just so happens that the Dawnguard has husky dogs that will fight along side you and warn you of emanate danger while traveling Skyrim. They are cute and vicious which makes them a great addition to any team. Plus they don't count as a human follower so you can have a husky and Vilkas on your team at the same time. The Dawnguard also have armoured trolls to rent. They are cool but a bit fussy. Trolls will leave you after a while because they become bored. The huskys never leave you. They are loyal. Also husky dogs are cuter than those creepy Death Hounds the vampires make. Bleh, ugly creatures.

I'll stop there with Dawnguard since I don't want to spoil any of the quest line. The Harkon thing is something you learn from the trailer so I'm not feeling guilt over that little tidbit. I hope you all download Dawnguard since it is a great addition to the game. I'll go in the Dragonborn DLC on my next (and final) Skyrim blog. That one will follow the adventures of my baddie of a mage Loki. I know the name is not original and I still don't care. Anyhow, that's all from Elder Scrolls for now. Happy gameplay.

P.S. I put the hint to the next post in a different location this time audience.

P.S.S. It's rather obvious too.

And here's some music!

Fable Lost Chapters, a Sycthey adventure

My sweet audience, some of you may remember that I mentioned Fable TLC in an earlier post about playing certain video games when bored. I briefly mentioned some of the "dickable" activities in Fable which make it an excellent game to relieve boredom. However, I'm not satisfied with that shout-out. No, no Fable TLC needs more than that, as does Skies of Arcadia Legends. So here in honour (just for you Maleficus) of Lionhead's best RPG is the Fable TLC post.

You'll find out who Maleficus is very shortly audience. Also there is some music at the bottom of the page. Yeah, way way down there. Keep going.

This is him. With a few adjustments ahem.

Bullets of beautiful info about Fable TLC:

• You are a boy. Not a single if, and, or but from you audience
• Almost immediately you are torn from your family and forced into the Guild of Heroes. Heroes' Guild for short
• The world of Albian is your terrain and is full of drunk idiots ordering beers with "umbrellars" in them
• Hero does not necessarily mean virtuous *wink*
• There are many NPCs you will hate, namely Thunder
• There are two NPCs you will love, namely Scythe
• The villain is magical and scary as fuck. I love Jack for that.
• This is the game that taught me how to do a poor British accent. Heh.
• You can be a whore if you so wish
• You can be a demon with horns and glowing eyes if you so wish
• You can be a chicken-man if you so wish
• You can be an angel with a halo and face tattoos with perfect blonde hair and perfect scars.Cough.
• You can be whatever you want if you so wish.

Where to begin? Perhaps with the beginning? As you know audience spoilers are to follow BUT not major plot ruining ones. Seriously, I want you to play this game. Why would I do that?

Awaken in Oakvale, a small port-side town busy with NPCs who all happen to know that it is your older sister's birthday. All of them know it, even the new merchant. Everyone except you. Basically you start off as a lazy little boy who forgets his own sister's birthday and waits around for adventure to find him. Rather classic eh?

Anyhow, you begin by doing "deeds" around the town in order to earn enough gold (3 pieces in fact) to buy a box of chocolates for your sister as a birthday present. The deeds are your first steps in the game both controller wise and alignment wise. Alignment is rather big in Fable, we will divulge into that more later. Basically though it is your morality, your amount of good and/or evil. So, you can from the start be all evil, all good, or a nice mix. It's your choice. Personally I enjoy being a total bad boy now and then. Smashing boxes is fun. Sides, "are you just gonna stand there like a lemon?"

Fast-forward past a night of horrible events to the Heroes' Guild. Here is where you really learn how to kick ass or chew bubble gum. Oops, wrong game. Heh, so at the guild you train with at first a stick (lame) then a sword, then a bow, then with plasma lightning that shoots from your finger tips while slowly corrupting your body turning you into a mutated freak who climbs walls and scares the shit out of 18 year old MareBears! Oops, wrong game again. Well sorta. You do in fact train with lightning or will or magic; it happens that cast lightning is your first spell. Still, beware the corruption. Or don't. Being an overpowered mage is awesome.

My overpowered Hero

Ah yes, what kind of hero will you be? Well there are nearly limitless combos. You could just go all out in one skill tree, meaning a maxed out warrior, mage, or marksman. However, that's lame and you'll look weird as all fuck at the end. See, depending on your skill tree you can look like a jacked out glowing giant (which is how I typically go) or a stubby shrimp with trunks for limbs. Or a skinny glowing twig. Or a lanky pillar the width of a pencil. OR a million other things. If you mix your skill tree you can become any kind of hero combination. If you max everything out (which is fun to do) you will look like Maleficus, in other words a jacked out glowing giant with beautiful blond locks. Oh yeah, your "other looks".

Tattoos, hairstyle, facial hair, and hair colour all fall under "other looks" as a category. Some are found in chests, others are only available at specific shops, some are stolen from people's homes. Yes, you can steal hairstyles from residences. How? Why with style cards of course! Fable TLC made it easy to customize your hero's outward appearance with the use of cards. Basically a style is written onto a card and once you collect it, you can have it applied as many times as you want. So if you like a tattoo you own or just want to try it out, you can at any tattoo parlour or with any travelling tattoo artist. It's rather nifty. Unfortunately the colour of your tattoos depends on the card, you cannot change them. Same goes for hair colour.

Quick Tip: If you own the PC version of Fable TLC you are able to design your own tattoos. Unfortunately I'm not that talented of an artist.

Hair colour is not something you can easily mess with. Ok if you know the game then yes, it is easy to change. However, for you curious newbies out there it might be more difficult since hair colour is dependent on your morality alignment. Remember how I said I'd tell you more bout alignment later? Well now is later.

Everything, and I mean everything, you do in Fable TLC affects your morality alignment; quests, games, murdering an entire town, clothing, even food. For instance eating tofu gives you "good" points whereas eating crunchy chicks (whole baby chickens) awards you with pure evil. I should also mention that clothing/armour only affects you when you are wearing it. This means if you want to know your true alignment (every piece of clothing has some push on morality) you need to be naked.

A typical bad-boy

How does alignment affect my appearance? It determines your hair colour (bleh, British spellings), whether or not you can grow hair, your eye colour (glowing red can be attractive to gothic culture) and many other things. Horns, those will appear if you are very evil. So will flies. As will red smoke. Least you learn the vulgar thrust expression. Haha so funny.

The completely good heroes have blond hair and sport a halo above their heads. They also grow blond beards (score!) and have butterflies follow them (um yeah...). Plus they are radiant with glowing light and deep blue eyes. If you are in between the extremes you can have sandy blond hair, dark black hair, light blue eyes, dark eyes, and always pale skin. No one tans in the world of Albian.

Aight so you understand that alignment has a strong presence for your character's appearance personally. Fortunately it does nothing for your quests. You can do all the quests in the game whether you're evil, good, or in between. That is a nice feature, means you won't miss anything. However, quests can have different outcomes (even the big major ones) therefore choose wisely dear audience. Or just make multiple characters, that works too.

Besides looks in the game (hey some of us are vain), you can customize your experience greatly. There are many side quests which can aid you at later stages of the game or just gift you with interesting weapons and outfits. For instance there are these things called silver keys. In Fable TLC there are thirty in total scattered throughout Albian. You can use the keys to open silver chests which have a designated number on them; if it says 15 you need fifteen keys to unlock it. Don't worry, you don't lose your keys after opening a chest. That would be a major pain.

Somehow I am born from something.

Another interesting side factor is the appearance of Demon Doors. These dudes are magic doors which take the form of old bearded men who want you to do something for them. This can be anything from giving them a rose to sacrificing all your silver keys. It's rather mixed. Regardless, you will be rewarded once you've opened the door with some sort of treasure. Often it's a weapon with magical properties. The Cutlass Bluetane is one of my favourites.

Hmm, speaking of favourite weapons, I might as well mention Skorm's Bow. This baby is the greatest and coolest looking bow in the game. Seriously, it is badass. However, acquiring the bow is not easy. In fact, it is a total bitch to earn. There is a temple in Darkwood called Chapel of Skorm. Skorm is the god of evil while Avo is the god of good. Yeah, super complicated.

I am a bitch to get!

Anyways, at the Chapel of Skorm you can make sacrifices in order to earn more evil points. What you sacrifice is followers, human followers. Depending on your alignment (the more good you are the more evil points you earn since they want you to be evil) and the time of day (I swear by midnight, it's the only time that works), you have a chance to be rewarded with Skorm's Bow. As a straight up fact you must earn more than 500 evil points from a sacrifice. This almost never happens in the first try and in fact, ends up with you hiring swordhands in order to make multiple sacrifices until you have the fucking bow. It's frustrating always but so so SO worth it. Guess what's not frustrating? Having your hero look 24 by the end of the game when he's totally maxed out with experience.

As many of you have picked up on, one aspect I really adore about this game is the fact that you can make a really hot character and force him to run around shirtless in the snow. Yup, great detail right there. As I was starting to say at the end of the last paragraph, I know of a way to make your hero be forever young. See experience, though it makes you stronger, also ages you. Your maximum age is 65, therefore once you've maxed everything out, then you are an overpowered retiree. This is fine if you don't care that no one else ages in the game. I care. Also I want Maleficus to be hot, always. So I use a minor glitch in the game to get what I want.

Near the end of the game, not at the end but near it, a quest card will appear at the guild for Knothole Glade/Witchwood. Basically the chief's son has been kidnapped and you need to go rescue him from bandits by travelling through Witchwood. This is good. See the Chapel of Skorm might be in Darkwood but the Temple of Avo is in Witchwood. At the Temple of Avo you sacrifice money (there's another glitch to avoid actually giving all your funds) in order to become more enlightened with being good. Horray. Well the first thing you earn from a large donation is the Sentinus, the "good" weapon which is a club with spikes all over it. Horray again. After that little gift though, you have the opportunity to earn some years of youth. This is what you want. So you give money (though not really) and earn a few years off your age.

See, 24 is better

Now here is where the glitch happens; teleport out of Witchwood to the Hero's Guild (it doesn't matter where you go but the guild is a nice known landmark). The game will ask if you want to abandon your quest, say yes. So now you are back at the Hero's Guild with all your experience you've earned as well as those youth points. However, the quest was not completed. Thus you can start the quest again and repeat this youth process til your desired age. I prefer 24 but you can go as low as 18. 24 is better though.

I suppose I should mention some actual gameplay and a few of the enemies, I just really don't want to give anything major away. Hmm, alright then, balverines and the undead. The other enemies, like hobbes, you'll just have to experience hands on. By the way, my late fish Maxley was named after a very famous hobbe. Just saying. Right then, puppy time!

He's hacking and whacking and slashing. Hack, whack, cutting that meat. 

Again wrong game. My favourite part about these creatures are the scars they leave. I purposely make Maleficus take damage around them in Darkwood just to have this. Perfect. Right, I'll stop drooling and we'll move on.

So cuddly <3

The balverines of Fable TLC are the werewolfs who never change back into human beings; aight at first if someone is bitten they can control the transformations but over time they succumb to the wolfy appetite of humans and other weak creatures. They are a central part of the game (they even dominate their own quest) and are adorable. I honestly think they are just the cutest things.
In Witchwood I kept hitting the stones in the order of S-H-I-T just to hear Maleficus swear and summon a small pack of adorable balverines to come out and play. They aren't too difficult of an enemy. Just equip a weapon with a silver augmentation (oh yes, these are magical stone badges you can add to weapons) and hack away.

Purposeful damage muwhaha

Quick Tip: Augmentations are permanent, you cannot remove them after attaching them to a weapon. Also, weapons only have a certain amount of augmentation slots depending on the level of weapon. Choose wisely.

Ah. The zombies of the game, the undead. These lovely gents, they are all male zombies for some reason, enjoy groaning and slashing at your boots as they rise from the earth. Once slain, they scream into a green puff of smoke before even more pop up to take their place.

Hello there darlings

They are the ultimate experience enemy. There are a few quests (pst, they involve a prison and a graveyard) which have unlimited respawn on the undead. This means you can kill them as much as you want for as long as you want to boost that experience. Add a few potions of strength, skill, and will into the mix and you've got a jacked out hero.

Quick Tip: Even if you don't want to be a mage, a most useful spell is Physical Shield since damage is switched from your health to your mana. If you take hits from your health you not only risk dying, but you also stop your combat multiplier (you'll find out, trust me) from, well multiplying.

Wow I've talked a lot about this game, without spoiling anything major yet either! Score!! There are just two last things, or should I say people I do want to bring up though. Wait, only two?! Alright, let's see. I chose Whisper and Scythe. We'll discuss Whisper first.

"Ello dar farmboy"

Dear sweet silver medalist Whisper. You are a difficult character for me to describe because I have mixed feelings on you. She is, for the most part, annoying, and like all characters (except for the coolest dude in the world) you have the option to kill her if she annoys you too much. I did kill Whisper once, and to be honest I regretted it. She is your first friend and perhaps your only true friend in the game. I mean everyone else is kind of aloof in a professional way or tries to piss you off by calling you a weakling constantly; Thunder, Briar Rose, you two wouldn't know anything about that kind of hero would you? Anyways Whisper is the other apprentice hero you meet early on in the game. In fact, you have to train with her in order to learn the basics. After graduation the two of you compete in quests and even (drum roll) the "arena-rr".

"Did you see th-at? I sawr it. The -eros of the arena-rr are trying ta kill eacho-der."

Heh heh, that's what all the NPCs in the game sound like, according to me. Yes, you and Whisper go along the path of hero-hood together for a while. She is irritating at times (the name farmboy could be retired darling Whisper) but she does have to deal with Thunder. He's her brother and a major pain in the ass for everyone in Albian. He's a giant and decent fighter, but ultimately he's an arrogant pain in the ass. Now for someone not so pain-in-the-assy.

Sycthe! Just again for kicks, SCYTHE! Dude you are the most bad-ass NPC of all time. Seriously, being a decaying hero who cannot be killed since he is technically immortal (yet looks like a mummy) after having entered the Void in order to defeat the Court (minus Jack of Blades since he fled the battle only to return now) and save Albian thus becoming the first Archon!! Plus, dat voice is freakin' amazing.

Sycthe is someone you briefly see in the beginning of the game and then finally meet near the end. He is, as the description above gleefully entails, fucking bad-ass. He is the original hero of the world and the only one to travel in the Void and survive (thus the Archon title). Although you aren't able to do much with him, he is the only character you cannot kill and you can always talk to him. On top of everything, he treats you with respect from the beginning; none of the others do this (Guild Master saying that Maleficus doesn't look like hero material psh) so that's major brownie points. Honestly, play the game and see why Sycthe is awesome. Maze might have beat him out if it weren't for, well circumstances.

So. Have I convinced you to play this game? If there are any doubts to those of you who love men then may I remind you that you alone have the power to craft a hot at as hell hero to your liking. For those of you who love women I'll say that you can own a bordello and sleep with as many nearly nude whores as you like who will praise you for your sexual talents. I might have forgotten to mention the bordello earlier, just slipped my mind.

Rawr. I am Jack of Blades and am a cool yet douchey villain for the shit I do to you. Rawr.

Until next time dear audience.

Oh yes, here's some music.

P.S. I fucking kept my promise. I did it. Hahahaha. Yes! Go ME! Oh, and want to know why May 2nd was the deadline? Cause I turn 22 that day. That's why! Mainly cause I can remember that date. In any case, HA again. I did it!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S.S. I can't believe I used British spellings. Cough cough, bleh.