Sunday, June 4, 2017

Kitty Powers, Match Making Meows!

Are you struggling to find true love? Awkward at making conversation on dates? Well, have I the dating simulator for you. No, really! It involves wacky topics and embarrassing situations, just like life. Not mention repercussions. If you lie a lot or only have shallow details in common, you'll end up all alone. And not a Japanese high school in sight. Let's get this love ship a' sailing!



If you are an avid fan of watching people play video games on youtube, no doubt you've seen the title Kitty Powers Match Maker before. It is a casual game that involves matching clients with dates. Simple really.

What makes it so appealing?

Kitty Powers herself! Haha, well she does really add something special to this game. Her adorable pink personality shines through at every corner. She is one of my favorite drag queens, I have quite a list too. Video game drag just speaks to me; I will have to make that White Mage costume sometime. If I forget to mention something, remember, in-game, Kitty is there for you every step of the way. I love her! Bullet list time.
  • Easy peasy to play
  • Smooth soundtrack
  • Addicting achievements, seriously
  • Mini GAMES!
  • Custom character creation
  • Plethora of personalities
  • $$$$
  • Letters
  • Kitty Powers, mew!
Aight, let's kick things off with the gameplay. As stated above, this is a very easy game to get into. The tutorial is simple to follow and doesn't take much time. Nothing worse than a dragged out forever never ending tutorial, eh Twilight Princess?

After loading the game, you make your very own character in Kitty Powers. The purpose of this is to have you somewhat familiar with personality types and preferences. You design your character, pick your category, I went with geeky, and then take a little quiz. 

Note: If you have other friends who play the game on steam, or whatever platform you're using, you will soon see your friends as potential clients or dates. Set them up with true romance or give them someone really nasty!


The controls consist of clicking your mouse on the screen. You can use the number pad if you're playing on the computer to enter numbers in a few mini games. For the most part though, it is click based. It's a nice change of pace. I mean, I love ESO, but like any MMO you need all your focus on your keyboard, plus mouse. For my brain dead mind after a day of work, just left clicking is soothing.

The goal of the game is to have a successful dating agency. You are helping to run a small dating outpost for Kitty Powers. By making strong matches, you're able to gain promotions and a reputation as a great match maker. But, if you lose clients or they end their relationship later, you lose your good name. A good rep means more money earned per date.

Clients and their potential dates have star ratings. They range from one star to VIP four star. Once you've become more affluent, you'll be able to match VIPS. But, they are picky sons' of bitches and will scorch you if they don't have their way.

Dates consist of pulling the love handle three times as well as two mini games. The love handle is a slot machine where you pick which topic your client will discuss with their date. In the beginning, the conversation topics are limited to outward appearance, horoscopes, weather, and interests. 

C'est un grand pilon au vin!

At the beginning of the date, you must always choose a food dish for your client's date. Their date will describe the type of food they want. From there, you pick. There are always five options and in some of the easier restaurants, you often have two correct choices. As the difficulty increases, the choices become more foreign, literally. Just wait until Sweden. 

You have to be careful when choosing dates for your client. Their type will greatly influence how they feel about certain topics. For instance, if your client likes drag queens, minimalist art, and making fancy hats, they are an Arty type. They have no interest in eating caviar and business meetings, both Chic traits. 

If your client screws up on the date, they'll receive an X. Three Xs and you're out! Well more like in the dustbin. Your client will also receive a broken heart. They will leave the agency if they have three broken hearts. Thus, choose carefully.

Quick Tip: If your client has a low star rating, try to pair them with someone of a similar level. You have a better chance of matching them, even if they don't match up perfectly. Lower stars means they are less fussy with their dates. They can handle more difference. Watch out for VIPs!

Before I finish here, let's go over the mini games. I've provided a few tips that may help you avoid any nasty Xs. If you like, simply skip to the next paragraph, this is really a guide area.


Story Time - Memory
  • Find a match in order to tell a great story
  • Three tries
  • Cheating, extra try
  • Tip, start in a corner and work your way through a row or column. That way you'll remember where each picture is easily.
Go bananas, go go bananas

Dessert Cart - Memory
  • Remember the order of the desserts
  • One try
  • Cheat, eliminates one option
  • Tip, say the name of the dessert out loud as they pass by. Or, record the dessert cart with your phone's camera.

Tip the Waiter - Arithmetic 
  • Pick the right amount of tip based on the percentage
  • One try
  • Cheat, eliminates an option
  • Tip, remember that moving the decimal point over to the left one unit divides a number by ten. Or just use a calculator T_T
Careful not to poop!

Clench the Fart - Higher or Lower
  • Guess whether the next card is higher or lower
  • One try
  • Cheat, passes you on one card
  • Tip, the Ace is both high and low, either guess will be correct. Otherwise, just luck and probability.
It's never aroma, never


Compliment the Chef - Memory
  • Remember the pattern of words that become illuminated
  • One try
  • Cheat, see the pattern again
  • Tip, move your mouse over the words and say them out loud. This helps both your verbal and physical memory. Or just record pattern with phone, again.
Can it I keep it to the right?

Split the Bill - Panchinko
  • Drop a coin down a series of bumpers into one of two slots, Panchinko
  • Five to seven tries, depends on difficulty of restaurant
  • Cheat, gain an extra coin
  • Tip, try to go for a fifty-fifty since you'll more than likely waste a lot of money otherwise. Fifty-fifty won't yield hearts, but then you are safe. My strategy is to dump the coins all at once, this almost guarantees fifty-fifty. 
Oh now he tells me his name, thank Basil!

Which Waiter? - Memory
  • Select the correct waiter
  • One try
  • Cheat, one waiter eliminated, not killed though
  • Tip, remember your waiter's nose and hairstyle when ordering food, this often is the key difference in the higher level restaurants.
My bratwurst now bitch!

Spider Attack! - Action
  • Squish or spare the spider
  • One try
  • No cheat
  • Tip, this depends on the date's personality. For squishing the spider, click on it when it scuttles towards the date. You're less likely to miss if you're right handed, for left mouse users, other side.
Get her breath too

Something Smells - Timer
  • Spray deodorant on your client for a set time
  • One try
  • Cheat, Kitty tells you if you sprayed too little, just right, or too much
  • Tip, count out loud the seconds. Or, use your phone/kitchen timer.
Is he looking at her chest?


Lights Out! - Memory
  • From dark silhouettes, pick your client's date
  • One try
  • Cheat, one is eliminated, killed
  • Tip, remember the hairstyle and eye shape of the date. Or have a picture of them at all times on the date, little weird though.

Uh-oh Ex! - Truth or Lie
  • Your client's ex stops by
  • Pick truth or lie
  • Cheat, spin the wheel of misfortune again if your lie did not work
  • Tip, this depends on the date's personality. If they are spicy, tell the truth. If not, lie and hope they are convinced!
Prince Ali, mighty is he

Meeting Mr. Manager - Memory
  • Introduce the date to the restaurant's manager
  • One try
  • Cheat, one name is eliminated
  • Tip, at the beginning of the date, say your client's date's name out loud with a noun or adjective, like Angus Anus. Or have it written down somewhere.
Oh God, they're one of those Matching couples

Chameleon Date - Memory
  • Your client's date will update their look in the bathroom
  • One try
  • Cheat, one possibility is removed
  • Tip, as the date is excusing themselves for the restroom, observe the color of their clothes, hair, and earrings. The later levels use the earrings a lot. Or have a picture of them, weirdo. 
Is that a real number?

Taxi Call - Memory
  • Memorize the taxi number that the waiter gives you
  • Three tries
  • Cheat, see the number again
  • Tip, use the number pad. When viewing the number say it out loud several times. Or, take a picture of it.
She was dropped, repeatedly

Selfie! - Action
  • Take a selfie of your client and their date together
  • One try
  • Cheat, have a caption say whether the picture is good, bad, or great
  • Tip, reflexes are everything. Your client could go from super happy to cock-eyed in a second. Try to let a second pass before clicking, that way if they are quickly cycling through faces, you won't have accidentally taken a poor picture. Patience is key.
Found you Waldo!

Crowd Spotting - Action
  • Find your client's date in a crowd before their phone dies
  • Timed one try
  • Cheat, have a yellow box appear outlining where the date is
  • Tip, CHEAT! Seriously, in the harder restaurants this saves so much time and difficulty. In the easier levels, look for the date's hair and clothing color. It sucks if they are an Artsy type though, all black.
Sucker punch to the pout

Flirt you better do - Rock Paper Scissors
  • Play rock paper scissors in order to have your client flirt with their date
  • Three tries
  • Cheat, see what your client's date is going to do
  • Tip, absolutely cheat. Otherwise you are playing blind, like real rock paper scissors. If you don't score two happy faces, the date will not be impressed. For timing your client's move, click on the choice right before the right choice, the delay of one second will have you select the appropriate option.
Five Bad ones, AVOID!

Chocolate Box - Mine Sweeper
  • Select three chocolates from a box
  • Three tries
  • Cheat, chocolate is removed
  • Tip, don't cheat, it doesn't always remove the bad ones. Instead, pick a middle chocolate. if there are several bad chocolates touching it, red number, then pick the next chocolate on the other side. The green number signifies the date's favorite chocolate. Only try to find it if red is zero or one.

The mini games are a chance for your client to wow their date. They consist of various dating dilemmas, as Miss Powers puts it. One such example is when your client sees a spider. They have the option to squish it. But, not all people like killing spiders. It depends on your date's personality.

Quick Tip: Some clients will always have the same personality type. Vintage clients will always be traditional. Make sure that they don't have a globe icon next to their name though. A globe icon means that it's someone else's avatar; anything goes with real world people!

There are ten different personalities, yes they are different than types, in the game. They are split into polar opposites. Sometimes, these personalities affect the mini game outcomes, like the spider example above. Time to list the types and the games they affect! Again, if you prefer to skip ahead, click here.

Active/Lazy - Yellow
  • Dessert Cart
  • Active will always choose a healthier dessert 
  • Lazy, bring on the calories!
Methodical/Carefree - Blue
  • Spider!
  • Carefree will cry if you squish a living thing
  • Methodical, KILL IT WITH FIRE!!
Introvert/Extrovert - Green
  • Farting Higher or Lower
  • Extroverts understand a gassy belly if you accidentally let one rip
  • Introverts prefer everything to stay in, including gas
Traditional/Experimental - Purple
  • Splitting the Check, Panchinko
  • Traditional prefer the client to pay
  • Experimental want to foot the bill, just like me!
Spicy/Romantic - Red
  • The unwanted Ex
  • Spicy personalities don't mind if the client's ex shows up, bygones
  • Romantic, yeah exes are no-nos
Personality traits are unlocked as you advance through the game. In order to discover a date's personality, a client must go out with them and ask them questions. The topics are chosen via the Love Handle; all conversation goes through the handle. 

If you run into trouble, conflicting personalities, you can always lie. It's up to chance whether or not your client will evade being caught. The lower their date's star rating, the more likely, but it's still a gamble.

Note: If your client tells one lie, you can still make a good match. Only if their whole relationship is built upon lies should you avoid the match. If all else fails, exit the game before your client is committed to the dustbin. Then it's as if the date never happened.

Besides mini games, the personality traits also affect how your client will react to bad habits. Bad habits are unlocked far later in the game, along with guilty pleasures. While guilty pleasures pertain to the opposite type of your client, a geeky person who loves sequinned dresses for example, the bad habits are personality based. These questions can be asked on the second and third date, not the first; too personal.

They can pick together!
Take someone who likes to belch in public. Their date will need to be extroverted and possibly carefree to be understanding of that bad habit. It's often a good idea to see if your client and their date are accepting of each other's bad habits. If they aren't, it's unlikely that you'll receive a great response later on.

Warning: Bad habits may clash with your own client's personality. For instance, they might be a romantic but love to dance in their undies. This means if their date is also romantic, they will hate their bad habit. 

Enough about personalities, let's type cast people!
  • Arty, art, music, poetry, Andy Warhol etc. 
  • Chic, think Sex in the City business woman
  • Edgy, punk and goth
  • Geeky, me (if you can go on about the difference between orcs and dwarves, you're geeky)
  • Glam, new Hollywood aka Paris Hilton (or is that middle aged?)
  • Hippy, everything is alive and free maaaaaan, Frankie
  • Hipster, contradicting interests
  • Practical, DIY to the extreme, Tim the tool man Taylor
  • Sporty, parkour and cross-fit gym rats
  • Vintage, old Hollywood, Meryl Streep (legendary)
You need to lift weights if you want to wear bling.

Some of the types have overlapping interests. Both Arty and Glam personalities enjoy drag queens, as an example. There are over six hundred interests, hot damn!

Unless you keep an excel spreadsheet open while you play, like me, you may want to access this guide for some reference. It's not complete but it may help. Also, if you don't know what something is, google it.

When selecting your client's interests during the date, start from the top and go down. That way, you're less likely to repeat yourself on later dates. Don't lie unless you're trying to unlock the mismatched type achievements. Those don't usually end well in the long run anyways.

Note: As you earn more money, you'll be able to unlock the dates' types in the black book. That way, you'll know if your client's interests will match their date's. This is often done later in the game when you have more money than you could possibly spend. Still, it's an option.

Money! What is money used for? Money is used to unlock new restaurants, the gift shop, the salon, and more. Different restaurants have different difficulties and introduce new mini games when they are unlocked. You can also use your coinage to reveal dish descriptions on each restaurant's menu. This really helps with the more difficult restaurants. I don't speak Swedish but their menu does.

Spot the pretty kitty, mew

Quick Tip: As your client says goodbye to their date, look for a black cat in the background. Click the cat if you see it for extra coin!

Gifts, these little guys are a god send with VIPS. You can buy a gift for your client's date on any of the dates, even the first one. These give extra hearts at the beginning of the date. The more hearts throughout the date, the more likely they will want to keep seeing your client. It's also not a faux pas to buy your client's date the same gift twice, or thrice!

Note: Once you've unlocked the gift shop, clients will send you gifts in the mail along with their letters. This only happens when a client's relationship ended up well. Bad matches never send gifts.

Letters are sent to you after you've made a match. It is the client letting you know how everything turned out. If it was successful, your reputation will go up. If not, oh dear, it drops like an anchor. Success is based upon how well your client and their date truly matched up. 

Do they have common interests? Are their personalities compatible? Do they accept their faults, bad habits, and all? If yes, then happily ever after, and more babies! I need babies for my trophies.

I mentioned that the achievements were addicting, right? I have unlocked everything in Kitty Powers, including all of those lovely trophies. The babies one was the hardest for me. In order for your clients to have kids, they must have an A+ relationship. So many As happened for me, few pluses.

Mawwige, is a wondewful whing
It took awhile but I finally received my fifty babies. I had to learn a lot about how the game works in order to really assess matches. I could tell when I had a B or B+ couple. Sometimes, that's what you have to go with if there are not any other suitable choices. Still, it made me appreciate the hard work it took to make this game simple to play and hard to beat.

Thank you Kitty Powers for giving me, an introverted geek, a game where I can mine sweep chocolates and learn about ethnic dishes. It's great fun and silly all in one. I can't wait to see what Love Life is going to be like. Goodbye kittens!


P.S. If you see a coin or fairy flying across the screen, click it! You'll receive some dough or extra love points.

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