Rareware Interlude

Aight audience this post is not my norm of video game review style. I know I promised you a post relating to the word "deuce" but that one is on hold just for the moment. Fear not it has been drafted and will be completed in uh, well time. Right now I have a burden on my mind that's been eating away steadily since the early 2000's. A brief history before the nostalgia and sadness begin. Going all heavy now. Oh, as always scroll down to the bottom for some music. Happens to be a favorite piece of mine remixed.

Rant Time!

For those of you unfamiliar with Rareware (gramers and n00bs alike) it was a video game development company headquartered in England. Rareware or Rare for short created some of the most renowned games of the first three generations of gaming. Literally it was one success after another. A three generational span of wins. Not too shabby at all from making the leaps between NES, SNES, and N64. To give you some idea of how awesome Rare was here's a few examples of generation leaps.

Thanks to Rare Battletoads exists. That arcade and eventually NES classic is an amazing multiplayer game where you run around as giant mutant toads named Zit, Rash (my choice character), and Pimple beating the crap out of enemies or in battle mode, each other. The color and textures, the creative level design and innovation with pick up weapons and vehicles, not to mention all the interesting bosses made for one sweet game to share with buddies or in my case an older brother.

A few classics followed on the SNES one of which I wrote an entire post about, the Donkey Kong Country Series. No longer the ape who stole Paulina from Mario, DK was recast as a hero who was now after his stolen banana hoard in strange new land of Donkey Kong Island. This game redefined what SNES graphics were capable of bringing forth pre-rendered 3D making for beautiful smooth movements through the ever challenging levels. The two sequels that followed (the 2nd in my eyes being the best of the banana bunch) kept the key principles of secrets, kremling bashing, and barrel exploding action that the first game brought to the world. Rare even threw in Cranky Kong to give some of the 80's kids nostalgia to the original DK arcade games.

Rare, why did you have to die?

My final example of generation awesomeness involves a game I royally suck at. Sure I could mention Conker's Bad Fur Day or Banjo-Kazooie which are two of my favorite adventure games of all time and two prominent Rareware games but that would be expected. Rather I'm bringing forth the game that I watched my big brother play over and over while he performed barrel rolls and allowed Flippy to die in scalding Arwing crashes; it's Star Fox 64.

Although I'm terrible at this game (stupid tank level) I still love it. The Arwing is an amazing vehicle to maneuver around the screen while fighting various minions of the galaxy. Although this game is home to some of the most irritating NPCs it brought a shade of reality that not everyone on your team is going to be kissing your ass the whole way through; I'm looking at you Falco. The amount of secrets, levels, and variability made this N64 classic one players still revisit despite being considered retro by today's standards.

So much goodness until 2002 when Microsoft decided to ruin everything. Rareware was bought out and its franchises divided between Microsoft and Nintendo. Microsoft gained Conker, Banjo, and the Perfect Dark series while Nintendo kept Donkey Kong and Star Fox. Rare was officially gone as the stronghold wingman of Nintendo.

Star Fox wise Nintendo has sucked ass with the series. Crystal really? Even Wolf isn't that strong of a character. With DK Nintendo took a back seat with the legendary ape causing him to appear in party games rather than racing (RIP Donkey Kong Racing) or sidescrollers. Eventually with the Wii Nintendo showed some sense (they've since lost it completely) and released Donkey Kong Country Returns which was a decent game filled with nostalgia, smooth sidescrolling joy, and difficult levels with secrets galore. Now...Microsoft...a word...

There aren't enough swears in every language combined to express my hatred for what you, Microsoft did to Rareware. You destroyed it. Just killed every brilliant part of the company. It's a bad sign when most of the employees refused to make the switch as well as the founding Stamper Brothers leaving you for good after you soul sucked their franchises into becoming B-List games.

Don't look to the right, it burns!

Banjo was turned into a creepy bear only capable of crashing half-assed vehicles into the ground rather than the tag team duo of bird and bear conquering the many obstacles and paintings found in Grunti's lair. Why?

Please, just put the jacket on!

Suddenly Joanna Dark became all boob and NO awesome FPS gun gameplay in the Perfect Dark Zero release. Sure she was hot on the N64 which was fine since she was the female version of James Bond. However on the N64 she actually kicked ass and shot the shit out of her enemies. Bring forth the 360 installment where there's nothing but a cheap version of Lara Croft running around with shitty pistols unaware of enemy fire. Run Joanna, it's all you're good at.

Conker, oh Conker. This might be the saddest tale ever. Rare had a sequel Conker game lined up that involved Conker spending all the kingdom's money on booze which led to him being booted from the throne. That alone sets up the dark and problem riddled world filled with cute animals, bright colors, and swearing left and right that is the Conker franchise. Rather than be sensible, Microsoft decided to reboot the game making Conker into an orange puff ball as well as ripping out the multi-player classics and censoring the game further. Uh what? Since when did the newer generations require more censorship on mature rated games? Seriously? You were supposed to be Live and Uncut instead of Sheltered and Damp. Microsoft, you monster you.

I'm hypocrite of course. I use a PC whom I love dearly (Rikki <3) and am a fan of the 360 and original Xbox console. So really I'm giving Microsoft money each year since I buy their products despite hating them, nay fucking loathing them with every flame of hatred in my body for ruining the company that gave my video game moments in childhood so much happiness and nostalgia. Despite this I still use the product (mainly because I don't enjoy using Macs since being a gamer with a Mac is a major setback). Still I haven't properly stood up against the Rareware crimes of Microsoft.

That changes now. Microsoft wants feedback they'll have it. I've written, commented, and supported groups who want Nintendo to change its ways since the Wii U disaster of E3 2011. Nintendo has received my feedback. It's not much, might not make a difference, but it's doing something. I've finally decided to do the same with Microsoft and Rareware. Since Rare is still owned 100% by Microsoft they are the ones to complain to properly and they are the ones who will consistently receive my feedback. As a gamer in a world of overpriced systems, dying franchises, and failing companies it is somewhat my responsibility to let those who control the games know what's going on.

This was a rant about Rareware. I love you Rare and you'll always be in my systems and on my top charts. I'll do my best to avenge your fall.

Far Longer than Forever

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