Animal Crossing, Some Pixelated Xanax

Winter is upon us dear audience! Finally the world has become cold and frosty in the regions of the Windy City. What better way to warm up after a soothing icy day than with a video game? Well let's add in some hot cider, a few blankets, and a cat. Bamn, super snugly and relaxed. Just make sure the video game is tranquilizing like a strong narcotic.

I'm wondering how many of you knew I was going to write about Animal Crossing? I did hint at it in the Ocarina of Time blog but you might not have reached the end of that long overly hyper post. Well in any case now you know audience. It's Animal Crossing, the brain melter of video games. More so than Harvest Moon which is saying something since HM is a farming game. For this post I am strictly sticking to Animal Crossing for Game Cube. The only recent sequel that I've played is Wild World which due to the "globe effect" made me incredibly dizzy. Game Cube only zone.

Right so niblet/small chunks of info time:

• You are a human character living in a town inhabited by personified animals
• Your landlord is a Raccoon (actually Tanuki) named Tom Nook, he's kinda a douche
• The game never ends, ever
• The "goal" of the game is to have a perfect town with fifteen happy inhabitants
• The only violence in the game is hitting a neighbor with your bug catching net
• You can visit friend's towns if you have their memory card
• My brother Pete despises this game

The game begins with you creating your town via K.K. Slider, the local beatnik beagle musician. He just appears playing his guitar under a lamp shade and asks you what the date is. This setting is how the game always starts except after you move into your brand new town you will be greeted by a random resident every time you load your file. It's just the game being Animal Crossing.

So the game actually starts on a train. You are sitting by yourself when Rover this blue cat decides to sit down across from you. Even if you tell him to stay the fuck away from you he still sits down and remarks on how nice it is to know there are still rude people in the world. Stupid cat.

The conversation with Rover not only enables you to make your name but also decide your town name, face, and gender. Of course in deciding your face you're in the dark. Rover just asks you a series of questions and depending on your answers if the face you'll receive. Rover also calls up Tom Nook since you don't have a house to move into. Nook has houses "dirt cheap too" and would be willing to allow you to move in. Sigh, Rover for being such a pain in the ass you actually saved our character's ass from being homeless. Still you suck.

After you arrive you move in, become indebted to Nook (this lasts a long while), meet your neighbors, work for Nook (being his little delivery slave), and then finally are free to do whatever you want. Ah once all the beginning crap is over the game truly becomes a drug. A delicious relaxing drug.

Animal crossing is whatever game you make it to be. The amount of hours Jenny, KC, and I clocked in on this game are ridiculous. Oh yeah, I've been playing this game steadily since I was about ten years old. It's just a past-time for me. Whether it be collecting specimens for the museum, performing rewarding tasks for my animal friends, partaking in holiday events, or just playing NES games; this game made/makes me happy. Time to talk about specifically what makes me happiest. Heh heh, fun part!

The coolest part of AC are the NES games, hands down. In AC you can purchase/win various NES games that actually work! Yes you can play a variety of NES titles in your AC file. My favorite would have to be Wario Woods which took me forever to win from my stupid Island resident Bliss. Stupid squirrel, just gimme the damn game!

There's also, Donkey Kong, DK Jr Math, Clu Clu Land, Balloon Fight (another favorite), Excitebike, Baseball, and a bunch more I'm forgetting. The NES games enable you to forget about pulling weeds or the massive debt Nook has you under. Instead you can drift into the puzzle world as Toad trying to save the forest from the likes of Wario and his evil bat-things. Ah, wonderful.

For the actual AC game (meaning not in the NES worlds) a definite favorite is holiday events, especially the winter festivals. AC has a whole calendar of holidays that mimic real life events as well as random days like Officer Day and Founders Day. The Christmas equivalent holiday is the best though because you can make a ton of money and the next day receive gifts and cards from your friends and "mom" due to the holiday season.

Jingle is the gift-giving reindeer who gives players gifts if you find him and bother him enough. What he gives you is part of the Jingle series which consist of rare pieces of furniture.

Rare equals high sell price. Muwhaha goodbye debt. What makes this event fun is the process of badgering Jingle. He really doesn't like to be bothered but he has rare gifts so too bad. Plus if you change outfits outside the acre he's in Jingle won't recognize you and will continue to give gifts away. Heh heh, such a giving spirit. Plus the furniture enables you to score a high HRA score so there's that too.

To any of you who have played AC the name Katrina will ring a bell (get it bell?! oh Animal Crossing humor at its worst). This panther (I always thought she was an otter) tells fortunes which often have comical effects. My favorite is where your character falls on their face constantly. It's just hilarious to be running and then to suddenly eat dirt. Haha, poor virtual Mary you just had your ass kicked by the ground. Trip again!

Katrina also can make all the villages hate you or have all the male villagers profess their love to you. It's a lot of fun receiving fortunes from this panther/otter thing. By the way this is how she predicts the future:

On the beach,

a back-talking

watermelon will

be eating butter

Heh, ridiculous. Butter.

Now audience I could go on and on about the many relaxing activities of Animal Crossing, seriously the list doesn't end, but that'd be missing the point. Whatever you love about this game is what you make it. The game has no deadlines meaning you don't have to worry while playing it. The time just continues without anxiety. Enjoy yourself, that's all.

Couldn't resist this. Happens so many times!

Now here's a tune that we AC lovers adore. It sets up the game every time we load the disc. Animal Crossing take me away, far far away from here.

Ok so the hint for the next post is one word: Deuce.  

Ocarina of Time, Zelda Month

Break out the champagne and fluff up those couch cushions. It is time for Zelda month, the greatest month of the year! Why it happens in November I don't know, though I have a theory that it has something to do with Thanksgiving...In any case it's the moment you've all (and by you I mean me) have been waiting for audience; it is finally time for a full length Legend of Zelda review. Since you can't go wrong with this game and it was technically the first Zelda game I ever beat, Ocarina of Time away! Oh, if you want to listen to my favorite track from Ocarina of Time, just scroll to the very bottom and hit play. It's a good one.

I'll start how I always start with a bullet list of random niblets about the game:

• You are the hero of time known as Link, starting at age 11.
• The goal of this game is to stop Ganondorf the prince of darkness from ruling the world. 
• Also saving your girlfriend! Wait no. They don't end up together, uh best friend? Yeah but, um best friend you're in love with? Sure that works. Welcome to the friend zone Link.
• This game includes time travel which jumps Link seven years into the future and causes the creation of the three separate Zelda timelines. Yippee...
• You can wear masks in this game just for fun.
• As an adult you can win a cow from Malon the ranch girl. 
• Link doesn't talk, like ever.
• This game supports all the lefties of the world.

Ok that's a sufficient list of somewhat important bits to the game and completely useless bits that I find amusing. So where to start with the actual core of the game? I know, weapons!

The Zelda universe enjoys crafting a variety of weapons, armor, and items for Link to use on his numerous quests across Hyrule/Termina/Skyloft. My favorite "weapon" of all time would have to be the Pegasus boots from Link to the Past because you not only receive them early on in the game but they are amusing. Very amusing. Sadly Ocarina of Time (OoT) does not have the Pegasus boots, poor Link will have to not suffer me smashing him into every tree imaginable in the game. Shame.

No OoT has instead the iron boots (rather boring unless you decide to backflip in them) and the hover boots. Also normal boots which do nothing. The hover boots cause everything to be slippery and enable Link to hover for short distances. They are necessary to beat the game but aren't too much fun to play with.

Besides boots you can wear tunics of different colors as well as different types of shields and gauntlets. I have to say I was pretty pissed when Link ended up with the golden gauntlets in the end since they didn't match my awesome Mirror Shield and red tunic combo. The goldness just threw it off! Gosh Nintendo, be more fashionable. Note, those were my inner thoughts as an 11 year old child (the word "girl" doesn't really define my preteen self. Just doesn't).

So back to weapons. Well in this game my favorite weapon is the fire arrows. Not only are they arrows (right direction) they are on fire, constantly! Sure they use magic but who fucking cares? Magic potions are sixty rupees (very cheap) and fire arrows kick ass. Die Poe die! Plus you are bestowed the fire arrows after you complete the Water Temple. Yeah I'm going to avoid the "Water Temple" rant in this blog maybe forever in life if I can. Last time I played OoT I beat the Water Temple in thirty minutes which included finding all five golden skulltula tokens. Last point on fire arrows, they make a funny noise when you equip them. It's just a funny noise. I don't know I like it. Still fire!!!

The worst weapon in the game and by worst I mean most useless in essentially everything; the deku nuts. In the beginning Link is supposed to use them to blind his enemies by smashing a deku nut onto the ground but you never really do that. Instead this happens.

"What's this, I found a slingshot that actually kills my enemies instead of simply stunning them for 1.2 seconds? How incredible! What is the point of stunning enemies when they die in two hits from a distance?"

Fuck you deku nuts. You take up the space that Pegasus Boots could have filled! Still I'll max out my holding capacity for you to fifty no matter what because I'm addicted. The first step is admitting it audience.

Another useless (kinda) but extremely rad weapon in the game is the ice arrows. The same could be said for the light arrows but you really only require them for Ganondorf so I don't have too much gripe about the magic devouring arrows of light. No, the ice arrows are a completely optional weapon. 

Fun fact, Nintendo originally planned to have the Water Temple be an ice temple (probably where the fire arrows would've been used) and the Forest Temple be a wind temple (ice arrows and iron boots). 

The ice arrows are something you can win from the Gerudo fortress after you become an honorary Gerudo thief. They freeze enemies as well as freeze small islands on the surface of water. I think it's a shame they weren't able to incorporate this weapon into the game because it is a lot of fun to use. Perhaps if they had stuck with the original Wind and Ice thing the ice arrows would've been more depended upon. Who knows. They kick ass in Majora's Mask so no hard feelings Nintendo.

Alright that covers weapons, let's move onto locations/scenery/oh my fucking gosh this world is huge!!! I become excited over Zelda games. Just a condition I suffer. The world of Hyrule is massive in this game. Just enormous. As a kid it's even bigger because you are a short preteen forest punk. Also night is terrifying as a kid. Watch and see if you end up in Hyrule field, after dark! 

Ah yes Hyrule field, the central core to the world of Hyrule. At its middle lies Lon Lon Ranch where Malon (the ranch girl) and her father Talon run a horse ranch. No surprises there. As a child you meet Malon, are promised her hand in marriage by Talon (who then revokes it because he was apparently "teasing you" grrrr), and you learn Epona's Song which causes the short tempered red horse Epona to love you.

Epona and Link

Eventually as an adult you can win Epona from Ingo who has taken over the ranch out of spite for Talon napping all the time. You can also murder cuccos safely with Epona. She gives you invincibility making it impossible for cuccos to hurt you so long as you are on her back. Heh, stupid chickens.

Beyond Lon Lon Ranch is a vast world of different climates ranging from an active volanco, to a serene lake, to a haunted desert, to a lush forest of twists and turns where when adults become lost they turn into Stalfos and when children become lost they turn into Skullkids without faces. Charming place isn't it? 

The most beautiful place in all of OoT has to be the Lost Woods. Specifically of course the Sacred Meadow

My dream house

where Saria likes to chill with her ocarina. It's green, it has catchy music, you can teleport to different areas of Hyrule without the ocarina of time, and it's fun to uncover secrets that lie in the woods. However, I swear the moment I discovered how much the world sucks as adult Link was when Saria wasn't there seven years later. I mean c'mon Saria, you said you'd wait for me always! Then I found the Forest Temple and was happy again. It's what I look for in real estate, twisted hallways and wolves mandatory.

I have mentioned two of the temples in the game which isn't sufficient. Each temple must have a mention because five out of the six kick ass! Yeah I'll say it, fuck you Water Temple. Your only redeeming quality is winning the longshot from Dark Link. The other temples though, well let's go down the list shall we?

• Forest Temple, darling you are my favorite of them all with your eery music, twisted hallways, elevator, indoor mote, climbable vines, illusions, and haunted paintings. I love you and want to own you.
• Fire Temple, you scared the crap out of me as a kid with all the falling doors and fire pits you had. Your music was terrifying and your dungeon weapon was kicking, Megaton Hammer forever Volvagia!
• Water Temple, Fuck you again.
• Shadow Temple, I also love you to pieces. The amount of illusions and invisible objects you possess is second to none. Why the sinking ship, the guillotines, and of course the scythes make you not only amazing to beat but fun to beat again and again. Also creepiest music ever <3
• Spirit Temple, one of the best bosses in the game no doubt as well as having two of the coolest additions of armor. I say a big yes to silver gauntlets and Mirror Shield. Plus the whole "wall of death" really inspired my imagination as a child.
• Temple of Time, thank you for pairing epic music with a handicap ramp. Also the time travelling is pretty sick.

Alright location is wrapped up, what's left? Oh just everything! I think though I'll focus on my favorite part of the game, dicking around.

Oh Zelda games are often wonderful games to dick around in because they come with a cluster of mini games and side quests. The only titles that come to mind that aren't built for dicking around would be Four Swords and Awakening. Both are simple and short titles so they aren't exactly dickable. But OoT is, it's very very VERY dickable audience. You're about to find out how dickable it is. Right now. And once more, dickable dicking around!

So the greatest mini game ever created in the Zelda universe is the Hylia Lake fishing hole. Note, specifically the fishing hole in OoT; Twilight Princess has a fishing hole but it's not as fun. The game where you win the frog lure is more appealing than the actual fishing. Back to OoT, yes this fishing hole is amazing for several reasons but mostly the ones listed below. Bullets, commence.

• The music from Kakariko Village plays in the background, so soothingly slow
• The fisherman is a giant douche, makes him funny
• As an adult you can steal the fisherman's hat revealing that he's bald!
• The sinking lure
• The music that plays when you snag a fish
• The winning music after catching a fish
• Winning the Golden Scale which enables you to dive deeper
• Seeing your fish on display as the record for largest catch
• The Hylian Loach

The fishing hole is such a simple game that strokes everyone's ego to the max. Catching a fish, breaking your record, pissing the fisherman off; ah it's nostalgic and magical. Definitely the highlight to dicking around.

There are several more mini games, even an optional mini dungeon in the thieve's fortress, but those are rather standard. You have your slingshot target as a kid which becomes the arrow target as an adult, the bombchu targets which are exploding mouse shaped bombs, horse racing at the Lon Lon ranch, and another target practice game at the Gerudo Fortress. Mostly they involve targets. Honestly after mini games side quests are the best things to dick around with. There are two I'm going to briefly mention since this blog post is turning into a novella.

First is Big Poe Hunting. No not Edgar Allen Poe, though I'm sure that's where Nintendo coined the name, but Poes which are ghost like beings who haunt Hyrule.

Big Poes are are specific breed of Poe who like to wear pointy hats and disappear quickly after teasing you with their laugh. Damn Poe laugh. There are ten Big Poes scattered throughout Hyrule field and only appear after you win Epona and acquire the fairy bow. 

Quick Tip, Fire arrows (the first of the magical arrows you can gain) do more damage than regular arrows. Hyrule field has plenty of grass patches to refill your magic bar so skip the potion and leave room in your bottles for Poes.

To this day I have to use the map in my guide book to find all ten Big Poes. I swear two of the bastards always allude me making it annoyingly impossible without help. Oh yeah, the purpose/reward for this side quest? Another bottle. Four is better than three, honestly fourth bottle totally worth it. You can gain this bottle after completely the Forest Temple since you really only need Epona and arrows. I'd still wait for the fire arrows but that's my opinion. Also forgot to mention, you turn this quest in to the creepy Poe master who lives in Hyrule market right by the draw bridge. He's a bit odd, only has one glowing red eye. 

The Second side quest is the Biggoron Sword. Aw yeah, third sword in the game/best sword in the game. That's right, the Master Sword (the master of all swords of course) is second best damage wise in Ocarina of Time. I blame it on the sword being old and originating from the most annoying sidekick known to Zelda. Yup more than Navi who I'll touch on soon. 

Biggoron Sword, yes yes. Well it all starts with cuccos and winning a blue cucco from the cucco lady in Kakariko Village as adult Link. It's not hard; you find all her cuccos in the cucco game, win an unhatched cucco from her, wait for the thing to hatch, find Talon who is sleeping in a house in Kakariko, use the baby cucco to wake him up, return to the cucco lady, and viola, you win a blue cucco. 

My Giant's Knife broke...

Now that's as far as I'll go with the Biggoron Sword side quest. It's far more fun to figure it out along the way than spoil it for you audience. Honestly as a kid I was so excited to see where I'd have to go next and what I'd receive in return until finally I had the unbreakable Biggoron Sword. Don't bother buying the Giant's Knife, piece of shit breaks after 100 swings.

So I've probably annoyed the fuck out of all of you with the length and hyperness of this post. Yes, overly hyper Mare! Well I'm nothing compared to Navi.

Navi is actually the logo I use without profit for this website. She is the fairy (or faerie) sidekick who is with Link from the beginning to the end. That's kinda how he earns the nickname "fairy boy" in the game by all these girls. No comment. 

Yes, best cosplay ever!

Anyhow Navi is famous for her line of "Hey, listen!" which she sputters every so too often when she wants to remind you to stop dicking around and to go back to your actual quest. No Navi, I like fishing! She is useful though. Navi enables "Z" targeting which allows you to target and then circle a specific enemy in order to attack from a distance repeatedly without having to re-aim. Really fucking useful actually. She also can give you hints on how to kill enemies. Except of course the final boss. Damnit Navi, the time I really REALLY need you. Oh wait it's just a game of catch. Ok!

Ah now that's a Zelda blog post. It has pictures and tips and lots of everything that I love and only small fragments of what I dislike. Perfect. In celebration of Zelda month and as a small escape from my busy schedule of too many essays, I hope you enjoyed the journey of Ocarina of Time through my eyes. Hmm maybe one day I'll actually do a recorded commentary on parts of the game. When I have time of course.

Hint for the next blog. It's going to be about a game where nothing dies except turnips. Even then they just rot.

Mystic Quest, hidden gem in Final Fantasy

Long time audience. Actual Halloween night was a lot fun since I spent it with two of my best friends in the whole wide world, Nay and Suzy. I'll post a pic of us three being adorable as soon as files are sent to me. Speaking of Halloween...I had some complaints about the Halloween post for being too "uncomfortable" of a read. Well shit, sorry that I freaked you out audience I was just giving you a small window into my head. I suppose that was too personal even for this space of internet. I'll try not to reveal too much of myself to you again, the post will stay there though. I actually rather liked it...

Time to go back to non terrifying topics. Mystic Quest, considered by many idiots players to be the "black sheep" of Final Fantasy (clearly they've never tried to go through VIII) is an SNES turn-based RPG. This game is a perfect intro to RPGs and is one that everyone can beat. It's an easy game. Sometimes it's nice to not have to be frustrated with a game and to just blissfully enjoy it. For all of you without an SNES it is available through PC emulators. Hopefully by the end of this blog you'll want to play the beauty that is Mystic Quest.

Some chunks of info:

• You are a lone hero named Benjamin/Zash who must save the world from the rule of the Dark King
• There are four main "lands" all themed around the ancient four elements that have been cursed
• Along the way you gain friends who can fight with you in battle
• There is a spell named exit
• Unlike other FF games you can actually see your enemies rather than enduring random battles

In the beginning you find yourself alone on a cliff. Apparently that's where you live with your family and friends except before your very eyes the village you love crumbles to the ground. Huh. You walk away devastated and run into a bloodthirsty monster. Oh, you only have a sword that resembles a toothpick as your weapon too. Crap. The monster luckily sucks in stats (otherwise this would be a very short game) and is defeated without too much trouble. Then an old man appears and gives you a sword that shoots laser beams when at full health. He leaves you with the mysterious words, "it's dangerous to go alone, take this!" Wait, that's not how it goes in Mystic Quest...

Right, there is an old man but he takes you to Focus Tower and explains that the world has gone to shit as the cliff you were just standing on collapses. My mistake earlier. It seems that mysterious old men in retro games tend to blur into the same character and that I enjoy making painful jokes just to annoy Brian. Sorry Noey. Well now the game is set up; you have your quest, you have your sword (it becomes less crappy), and you're soon to find your damsel.  Benjamin is ready to go save the day! 

The actual gameplay is something similar to other Final Fantasy titles (turn based) except for one major difference that I mentioned earlier. In most Final Fantasy games you cannot see your enemies. Instead you are at the mercy of the "random battles". We've all played Pokemon Red/Blue (if you haven't then immediately remove yourself from the gaming community) and have experienced the joy of the journey through Rock Tunnel. Fuck that place to hell. Every time I always think I have enough repel and then halfway through my supply magically goes from ten to zero. The zubats, not the zubats! 

My point was/is the random battle system sucks. Rather than having your enemies visible at all times, you wander around in fear of the screen shattering and a battle commencing. It's not as though the battles are hard (c'mon zubats) instead random battles occur far too frequently and produce weak enemies. Zubats (my favorite example) are more work to kill than they're worth since they use both "confuse ray" and "supersonic" on your pokemon and give almost null amounts of experience once defeated. Battle time should be spent on enemies that boost stats, demonstrate a challenge, and don't last ages. 

Mystic Quest does not have a random battle system (except for a brief period in the ice pyramid). Instead the enemies appear as sprites on the screen. If you approach one the battle begins and you hack and slash your way to victory. Once defeated the sprite of the enemy disappears, nifty right? So what this does is it gives you the player the choice on which enemies you want to fight and when. For reasons unknown this battle method did not stick after Mystic Quest in the Final Fantasy series. My theory is that everyone else doesn't mind and I'm simply more hyper and easily startled than the average player. Random battle screen shatters give me miniature heart-attacks...I still blame it on the zubats.

A huge perk to this game is the soundtrack. Scroll down the bottom and press play. You won't regret it I promise.

Ah I haven't mentioned characters yet, least not characters that are worth talking about (sorry old man). Mystic Quest gives Benjamin four companions who appear at different times in the game to assist him in his quest against the Dark King. They are as follows princess hippy (Kaeli), cheap ninja douche (Tristam), conflicted jock son (Reuben), and amazon female(?) warrior (Phoebe). Just so we're clear I do like these characters but those nicknames do sum them all up rather nicely. Phoebe is actually my favorite of the four; Tristam please stop trying to have me pay for your services because you're not putting out, whore!

So Phoebe, this is what she looks like,

According to Japan

According to Europe

And her actual Game Sprite

I'd say Japan has a closer match than Europe. Phoebe resembles a warrior because she is one. She has this awesome weapon called the Cat Claw which not only enables you to climb walls but also upgrades into the Dragon Claw which is the ancient form of hookshot. Ah Zelda references <3. Phoebe isn't the brightest sidekick you have in the game though, she um does some rather stupid stuff along the way. Phoebe you aren't a black mage, pyrotechnics should be left to the experts. Still Phoebe is a lovable character, all of the sidekicks are to be honest. I just enjoy giving them nicknames.

Besides weaponry and characters (I could on for hours) the game has spells. Muwhahaha magic! So there are black magic spells (elemental) to kill enemies with such as quake (there's something about tectonics), blizzard (out cold), fire (flames of wrath), and aero(plane?). Also wizard spells which are like more specific versions of black magic spells; meteor has a pretty cool visual sequence. Then you have your white magic spells (health) which are arguably the best and cheapest spells in the game. They are cure, heal, exit, and life. Exit is a lot of fun since it erases the enemy before you. Sadly you don't gain exp for erasing a monster but it's amusing to watch. 

Quick Tip: Heal is great for causing status changers to enemies and Cure works well on undead enemies. Experiment a bit and see what happens.

That's about all I have for Mystic Quest right now. I know I didn't go into the game's story line or fighting style much but I have my reasons. Mystic Quest is a relatively short game so if I went into detail about the story it would ruin most of it. I'd rather you play the game audience, experience it for yourself. The fighting style is turned based meaning one character attacks, then the other character attacks, then the enemies attack before it all repeats. Honestly turn based style fighting isn't a diverse topic. Alternating it is like trying to reinvent the wheel, underneath that new coat of paint it's still the same damn wheel.

Happily I was blasting the song below while writing this post. Finally the fantasy of having inspirational music mystically fits my quest to create blog posts. Too much?