Games to play when bored, of everything

Audience hello again. I am really feeling the writing bug right now which I credit to the weather finally dropping Stateside. Just makes me so happy when coats and gloves must be worn outside. Summer I wish you'd just die forever.

Seasons aside this blog post will not be a review of one specific video game but rather a list of five games. Today's topic is as the title states, "Games to play when bored, of everything." We all have those days where no matter what we're bored. I'm not saying video games are the only solution to that (there are millions of other activities) but it is one solution I know a lot about from experience. Here are five video games in no particular order that I recommend playing when you are bored of life. P.S. I tried to vary it up so no, they are not all Zelda titles.

Numbuh Five: Fable The Lost Chapters

Alright most of you have figured out by now that I'm more of an old school gamer than new age player, also I'm definitely as far as it is from a gramer. To me Fable isn't an old game but that's my perspective; I still believe the Gamecube is a new system that's how stuck I am. It's difficult to explain I guess I just haven't "moved on" from that era when the Nintendo Revolution looked hopeful.

In any case Fable TLC is a Microsoft game for either PC or Xbox where you play as a "hero" of Albian. This game was unique for its time since it allowed you to choose what type of hero you wanted to be. The extremes were completely good (with a halo, butterflies, and blonde hair) or maxed out evil (veined horns, flies, and glowing eyes), but you could be somewhere in between if you wanted. I've become very adept at the game so much so that I align my character according to what kind of hair color I want him to have. It's usually between dusty blonde to platinum yellow.

Behold my dreamboat Maleficus

Oh yes, in this version of Fable you can only be male which I personally prefer. It's not fun when you're a female hero who is a bulky giant towering among the normal population (leveling up the "skill" experience tree will cause you to grow taller). Also being a dude in a game  means you care less if you're evil, that's just more fun. Plus fresh scars and tattoos just look better on a dude, least in my eyes.

This game is perfect for boredom because you can dick around so much. If you want to pillage a village go forth (just be a high enough level), if you want to own, operate, and abuse the Darkwood Bordello be my guest, if there's a house you want but some idiot is already living in it simply lure them away from town, slaughter them, and purchase the now vacant property. It's all doable. Let's not forget the sheer number of quests (The White Balverine in Knothole Glade is my favorite) and the great slightly sexy villain, Jack of Blades. If that doesn't sell you then Scythe will, he is hands down the most badass character known to Fable world. Scythe is an undead hero cursed with eternal life. He no longer has a lot of mass to him, mostly just rotting flesh. Trust me though he is fanfuckingtastic! Plus, fun fact, he's the only person you cannot kill in the game. My only gripe about this game is that Reaver isn't in it. Eh, Scythe still wins. Sorry Stephen Fry.

Numbuh Four: Diddy Kong Racing

Here's a major switch up from the Albian world. Diddy Kong Racing was first released on the N64 (my favorite version) and later on the Nintendo DS. It's available through several emulators on the PC as well in case you don't have either system.

Now audience you're probably asking, Mare why the hell would you play a racing game when bored? It's true that this seems like an odd choice but I have good reason to include it on this list. Unlike normal racing game one player modes, Diddy Kong Racing has an adventure story mode. You have an overworld, there are secrets, even a few hidden characters to unlock. Plus this racing game comes with the plane option.

There are three vehicles in Diddy Kong Racing; the car, the hovercraft (it's really not that epic), and the plane. The hovercraft is the biggest piece of shit in the world since the controls are so sensitive on the damn thing. Basically it looks like an inner-tube with a jet on the back. Imagine putting a jet on the back of your inflatable childhood inner-tube. Might be funny to watch as your younger sibling soars into the air during the test trials but it boils down to being a shit vehicle.

Hold up, don't let the hovercraft ruin this game for you. With practice (through adventure mode) you can become boss at the hovercraft. I have which forces my friends to make me play as the hovercraft on most levels since I destroy them otherwise. Heh, bragger over here! Still the plane is so much fun to use and most levels require either the car or the plane.

 Ah yes the racing levels which you unlock in adventure mode are not only colorful but occupy five different themed worlds. You have your dinosaur theme (Hot Top Volcano!), the winter theme, a paradise island, a medieval castle town, and even a futuristic space world. For racing games those themes really can't be beat, except for rainbow road in all MarioKart titles.

I suppose in short this game is great for boredom because it includes different levels, various vehicles, stat oriented characters, and a unique one player mode. Honestly it's great to not have to think about puzzles sometimes and just hit the road, or the water, or the skies. Take your pick they're all there.

Numbuh Three: Skies of Arcadia Legends

Ah, good old Dreamcast may you rest in pieces. The Dreamcast was perhaps the saddest and most amazing system to have ever hit the video game world. It was beyond its time which ultimately caused its downfall due to mechanical flaws and pricing. Still it will always be a revolutionary system with some of the greatest games ever designed and played.

One of those games is Skies of Arcadia. Time to be honest with you audience, I don't own nor do I actively play the Dreamcast system. I'm also personally not a fan of emulators, just me being picky. So how is it that I've played this marvelous game? Well the word "legends" might give it away to some of you. Skies of Arcadia Legends is the Gamecube port of the original Dreamcast game. I do own and love my Gamecube. I was even able to snag a used copy with the case leaflet still inside. Pretty sweet.

So what is Skies of Arcadia? Well in short it's a turn based RPG that takes place in a world of floating islands and sky pirates. That's right, you are able to be a sky pirate (a Blue Rogue) in this game and even have ship battles where you blast other people out of the sky with cannons. MIND BLOWN! There's also magic in this game for all you mana lovers out there. The spells are actually kickin' as are the special moves. Oh those special moves are so great at high levels; they even come with optional cut scenes!

The characters themselves are fascinating especially the villains. My favorite bad guy has to be De Loco. He is this short tempered genius who often passes out after becoming too excited over something. He's just great to laugh at.

Gilder!

For main characters Vyse takes the spotlight with Aika and Fina at his side. That is something with Skies of Arcadia, it's always a threesome since Vyse never makes it clear whom he prefers. Gilder is my personal favorite character because he is a gunslinger pirate (I wonder why I fancy him?) who leads his own crew of Blue Rogues and assists Vyse on his journey.

Why is this game worth playing when you're bored? If flying pirate ships and battles aren't enough to satisfy you I don't know what will in the world. Maybe this?

It's Picollo!

Right, moving on to the next title.

Numbuh Two: Star Wars the Old Republic

Besides Maplestory SWtOR is my choice of MMO. It is a beautiful game, literally visually stunning. I of course chose the dark side and am in fact an evil Sith cyborg with an English accent. I play this game with my brother Pete and my friend Brian but you can play it alone and have a lot of fun. Solo play has the advantage of seeing more of your story mode and developing your companions as well. Plus there aren't the risks of spoilers. Heh, right more about the game.

SWtOR takes place in the Star Wars universe during one strand of the ongoing war between the Empire and the Republic. Random, did you ever notice the Empire seal looks like a snowflake?

Anyways you start off as an apprentice/padawan on the home planet of your alliance. Once you've leveled up enough you can fly out to other planets and kick the crap out of new enemies.

I'm cheap as hell when it comes to online gaming. If there's a demo I'll play it but I'll never hit subscribe to any game out there. Accounts can be hacked and I lose interest in games and won't touch them for months at a time. So if you're like me you can play SWtOR without paying you just will level up slower, have less selection on race, and a few other restrictions that on the whole don't matter. You can play for for free, that's all that matters.

This game is a great relief for boredom because the world is so incredibly massive. The amount of planets and quests is amazing. Plus you can slaughter enemies, upgrade armor, and dance around noobs in your underwear scarring them for life. Ah, good times. Basically it's like Fable where you can mess around with the game, only in Star Wars there are millions of real life people to bother.

It's time for Numbuh One: The Legend of Zelda, Twilight Princess

Ha, I said they all wouldn't be Zelda titles not that I wouldn't have at least one title on the list. Don't worry I promised myself I would only talk about what makes this a great game to play when bored not how it's amazing Zelda game with so many awesome parts! Kay, adjectives aside let's proceed.

So Twilight Princess (has nothing to do with sparkly vampires) is both a Nintendo Gamecube game as well as a Wii game. I of course prefer the Gamecube version since motion control can go screw itself with a rusted pipe.

A large complaint about this game is the vastness of the overworld, primarily the size of Hyrule field. What? Again, WHAT?! I am sick of people dissing on Hyrule field. It helps make the game more enjoyable to play especially in boredom. There are so many secrets in this game, the mother load being the Cave of Ordeals (shiver even as a skilled Zelda player that dungeon is hard). I love exploring the world of Hyrule especially just for fun, not even for a side quest. And besides in this game you don't have to roll on the ground to increase your speed, simply turn into a wolf and sprint!

That's right Link goes all animal in this game. I'm a tad disturbed that this feature makes me more attracted to a fictional character but it does make Link tougher. In fact this game showcases possibly the oldest Link (age 18 so he is legal!) and the strongest as well. Link's tunic bears a chain mail armor, he wears thick leather gauntlets, and has cotton trousers on rather than tights. Let's all just look at the picture of Link. Little more. Just wait. Few more moments. And. And. Annnnd. Ok! Phew we're all good.

So besides staring at Link in all his amazing glory this game is a lot of fun to play and (like the other titles) to dick around in. There is a huge variety of weapons in this game including arrow bombs (hell yes!) and the double claw shot (spider Link, spider Link). You may see where I'm going with this audience. If ever you don't know what to do in the game or you've just completed a temple and want to relax try the Mary tactic of blowing enemies up with bomb arrows while riding Epona or jump wall to wall in various places with the power of two claws. The double hookshot clawshot is my favorite weapon of this game and is only beaten by the Pegasus boots from Link to the Past.

Other dickable parts of the game include the minigames which there are a plenty (the fishing isn't as fun as the Ocarina of Time fishing hole but I blame that on the music). My personal favorite is where you control a giant bird soaring through a cavern and have to burst giant balloons of fruit while avoiding all obstacles. It's pretty fun. There's also Agatha the creepy bug collector who I suspect wants to have half human half fly offspring. She says some pretty weird shit but gives you a lot of rupees when you bring her golden bug specimen for her "fairy ball". She's cute, just uncanny and bipolor.

If that doesn't convince you to pick up this game when bored then probably nothing will. You just don't like to goof off in video games that's all there is to it. Maybe I should throw in that this happens!

Shirtless and still receives service

Putting my life long love of Link aside you should give this game a go, even if you're not bored of life. That does help though, then you can play through the game in a matter of days. It has a huge world to explore, secrets, side quests, minigames, unique weapons, and a wolf form. C'mon, you know you want to play.

Aight audience you have now been bestowed with not only one but five game titles that can save you from boredom. If video games aren't your forte then why the hell are you reading this? I mean I only talk about gaming on this site. Why else would you be here if not to seek more knowledge/viewpoints about video games? I probably just lost a few readers but then again I am writing for the gamer section of my audience. 

Tangents aside I hope you all enjoyed this bit of pixelation. Til next time!