Game of Life

This was written on many cups of tea/coffee/some sort of smoothie mixture/Pepsi/water/tea/café/latte/more tea

Fuck sleep. I have not been able to work on this blog in far too long and it's driving me insane. Audience I am not waist deep in snarling emotional stress that causes me to only sleep and work and not eat; I promise you that is not the situation. I mean I have stresses but life wouldn't be worthwhile without the daily nags of "to do". No, I just have been floating along and unable to stop for a while and write this blog. And though this doesn't count as a video game (dismiss the computer version of the board game), I feel like writing about the Game of Life. Why? It's the one game we can't ever win yet must always play. Also I don't think you want a scope of what I've been playing recently, seriously you'll die of boredom.

So the low down is as follows:

• I have not stopped playing video games
• I have not been able to play post worthy games due to focus on other activities
• I've played been playing ONLY played Animal Crossing (Xanax)
• Each day I have to read and reread various topics since my classes are all unique (time)
• My work area is clean (time)
• Cooking is what I do for every meal (health nut)
• Tea and hot bathes are how I relax every day (spa nut)
• My schedule is not flexible (control freak)
• Sailing is important to me (summer time)
• French Club is important to me (nostalgia and food)
• Chess is important to me (war)
• Social Media is on hold (waste of time)
• PREPARING FOR MY FREAKIN' FUTURE 

Audience as you probably don't know, I am going to graduate this December. That's right, soon to not being a college student. It's a sweet deal and I am looking forward to not living in a town where everyone on the social spectrum is younger than me except for grad students. Plus, I'm in Iowa. I can only take so much of being in the middle of nowhere for so long. I have plans, they are malleable, but that doesn't prevent the pain in the ass of it all. Let's start with two itchy levels, very itchy and uncomfortable levels. Wish I could skip the cut-scenes.

Level One: Pretending to care about a job during an interview

I have no idea what I am actually going to be doing as a long term career. I like it that way because it will be a surprise.

Beautiful

There's this funny feeling in my gut that I'll say screw it all in a few years and take night labs in order to become a cryogenicist in order to have a private supply of liquid helium and have reason to visit Antarctica on business. However, for the time being I am simply applying for basic business jobs. Why? Well urban areas tend to require business experience. I have other professional skills and experiences I can bring to the table but the basics are great to have covered. I just don't care. Least not really. I'll do a good job since it's work. However I'm only in it for experience, not for long term investment. 

Level Two: Pestering my Mentors

During my college years I have gathered a small pool of mentors. There are namely two professors who know me well and can provide substantial information regarding my work. Nagging is not something I enjoy and yet I must in order to receive letters of recommendation. To the rest of the world this is not bothersome. To me it is. Asking for praise is so, low. Even for professional purposes it just feels "foreign" to me. Kind of like a mystery stew where you're not sure what is flavoring it but you know it's artificial in every way.

Quick Tip: Remember to remind your professors that all letters have to be in English. Though Canadian companies (governmental ones) wouldn't care, American companies aren't big on translating French.

Moving on from levels. 

The next step of life is realizing what you actually do know about your future. This is where people become afraid. Everyone doesn't know everything for certain about what is to come but everyone knows something.

Are you a Dilbert or a Dogbert?

If you know what job you want and how to achieve that position, congratulations you're a workaholic. Seriously you are. If the job is all that matters and all that you have figured out on your master plan, well that's all you'll have for a long time. The job will be your happiness. You'll have to mold yourself to all other surroundings. Eventually you'll have more but not right away. 

See the job, I'll find it in the long run. And I mean THE job. The one I love and hate because I'm passionate about it. That job. Not a job, but THE job. That will come later as all good things should. What will come before (which incidentally is a "later" because of having to wait until now) is the place, the wings. It's all about finding your roads so that you'll have a sense of which way to go.

So DEEP. Really. Really. Deep.

Between the flowery lines of what I'm saying is a simple message; if you have a place you love, go to it and don't let go. I want to love where I am. If home is the apartment, the city, the sidewalks, the night lights, the flood of footsteps, the hush of winter, the ticket stubs, the cafés, well I'll be happy. I have a home in mind and am not going to stop til I am there. That place, that's what I know about my future. To me, the place is where to start if you have that option. If you only love the job and not your home, that's not a very friendly life. If you're in a technical field, like I said workaholic.

Now let's hop off that train and hit another big brick of Mary's life philosophy. It's time for purpose! Which is actually easy to answer. Your purpose is to live. How you live is your choice. This relates to the difference of job and place in your future; after the diploma if you focus on job then your purpose is to work well; if you focus on place then your purpose is to find a happy home. Of course there are millions of little grey strings attached that can tug you in many directions of personal purpose. Still you probably fall into one of those two categories (even if you want both you will focus on one primarily). So purpose shouldn't be terrifying because it's simply what happens everyday. Just fulfill it because tomorrow never arrives. 

List of Little Things #9. City Lights

Lastly on this wacky rant/regurgitation of information, what matters most in life. Another easy answer. You. Duh. It's your life so better make sure you enjoy it. That's not to say you should take the extreme and start murdering strangers and raping colleagues. No. That type of activity is something a mind that desperately needs medicine would do. Don't do those things or anything related of the sort. Instead do something you want to do. Such as moving to a new place. Trying that café you always pass by. Talking to someone whom you notice everyday yet have always stayed silent. Leaving a message for a soul who matters to you. Making yourself happy by treating yourself right. Allowing yourself to make mistakes. Enjoying the little things that always make you smile. If you don't now, then seriously when? 

The End

Life has no winners because death takes everyone. No matter what happened during your life you will die. Make your life worthwhile to you because you may not have a second chance. Don't dwell on mistakes and don't beat yourself to the ground. Accept limitations yet break boundaries. Go for it dude. Go out there and come close to winning by Playing the Game.

THE END (Seriously I'm freakin' tired yet now satisfied for writing this. Still tired)

You can see the lack of sleep from these past few nights haha!