An App, not a true video game

Darling audience hello again. I am currently in the middle of my "hell week" which is the week before final exams. Basically hell week consists of essays, journals, last minute quizzes, and even meeting with another student who corrected a paper of mine. It is all oodles of stressful fun times.

So what am I doing on my video game blog? Taking a break of course. At the moment I'm having to comprise an essay explaining the meaning behind voyeuristic themed films. Don't know about you audience, but that topic is creepy as fuck to me. A break now and then is healthy for my now increasing paranoia about windows. And cameras. And credit cards. And habitual routes. And everyone in the world. Heh, just kidding. I am not actually shutting myself away forever. Though seriously these films are fucked up so creating some space between me and them isn't surprising.

Anyhow, I decided I would write a lil post about an app. I don't have time to review, replay, and really write about a full video game. Therefore, I decided an app would be appropriate. Which app have I chosen? Well, the only one I've ever really become competitive over. Also the only one that plays this weird ass song.

Audience I do hope that some of you know to which app I'm referring. If you don't know it's fine, I'm going to tell you. Just hoping to find some others who've played it. Or still play it. Ya know, just for kicks.

ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK!

This game began, to my knowledge, on Adultswim.com which I believe is only accessible in the States. Obviously you can now loop around that (VPNs are interesting) but still, it was originally only USA. The app is annoying, I won't lie. And I mean REALLY annoying. That weird song I posted above plays on loop while you control a robot unicorn running across the screen. Oh yeah, "app-play".

This app is a basic side-scroller game where your character moves constantly across the screen. It is your job to have your character jump when needed otherwise, you'll die. You also (unique to this game) must blast through stars in order to gain more points for if you don't blast through them, you will die. Basically the entire game is trying to kill you. This is a common theme in app games and video games.

You play as the robot unicorn, always. You are silver with a flowing rainbow mane. You must guide robot unicorn across the map and try to gain the most points possible. This becomes increasingly more difficult because, the more points you gain the faster robot unicorn runs.

Quick Tip: Don't look at your score as you play. This is the easiest way to die in my experience. Just concentrate on the upcoming objects.

There are ways of racking up tons of points. Two nouns: butterflies and stars. The butterflies help guide your unicorn as well since they hover at the beginning of each platform. This is useful because they tell you how high your jump should be. You can either press Z once and hold (this makes a slow arch jump) or press it twice to do a double jump. The butterflies assist you and give you ten points. Well, unless you use the multiplier.

Ah multiplying points. Both stars and butterflies enable this function. If robot unicorn consistently touches butterflies or blasts through stars, a multiplier with appear. Each star has a base worth of 100 points; butterflies have a base worth of 10 points. If you blast through two stars without missing any in between, the second star is worth 200 points. The third will 300, the fourth 400, etc. You have the picture. Same goes for butterflies, however the star multiplier is where the points are at.

Random, dolphins will appear at each 5000 point interval. They squeak and swim across the screen. I have no idea why they do this, they just do.

Now sometimes you will just die. The level layout is random each game and there are times when robot unicorn simply can't make the jump. Don't worry, you have three lives to gain that high score. Though remember, the high score only matters to you. No one else actually cares cause it's a weird little app. It's just not that cool if you score a high score.

UNLESS. Unless you and your friends have a rivalry. This is always interesting. I once had a rivalry with an ex-boyfriend (I'm not always single in life) which ended in me destroying his high score after only ten minutes of playing the game. I also made a wager with him that whomever won would owe the other a movie choice. Out Cold it was that night! Not exactly a terrifying loss on his part, still made the game that much more fun which was a lot more. This game can become boring.

Though this game is simple and at times boring, it can be addictive. After all you want to do well in any game you play. Only achieving sub-par scores sucks on the ego. Fortunately this game only uses two keys (x and z) making the controls very simple. It also is easy to pick up. Remember, I beat my ex after only ten minutes of gameplay; noob level doesn't last long.

Not my best Score

I haven't done my best to convince you of this game audience, after all it is an app. Regardless, I do play this app from time to time because it is simple and cutsy and annoying. It is something I can do without thinking which is nice. We all need to quiet our brains sometimes, Robot Unicorn Attack does that for you. Also you can mute the music now. That's a huge plus.

Happy Apping my audience. Hopefully once school is out I'll write more posts more often about more games I adore. Actual video games. Not apps. Promise <3

Super Mario World, SNES Flashback!

Ok due to some complaints about the Diddy Kong theme music on my last post, I've decided to make music optional for the Super Mario World post. If you wish to listen to the game menu theme song scroll down and press the play button. The Diddy Kong post will be changed since it's considered "annoying". Alright, moving on from my little PSA

Super Mario World! Oh this game has so much injected nostalgia for me. Not only was it the game I played co-op with my brother Pete when I was little (I thought I would be), but also the game I still play co-op with him when we are together. It's one of those games where the more you play it, the more you discover. Also it's fun to mess around with the different Yoshi breeds. Hmm, that came off wrong. What I meant to say was it's entertaining to fuck about with colored Yoshis. Ha, I made it worse.


Where to begin with this fantastic game? Well for starters no one actually plays level one first because level two is so much more fun. Also it is a bit confusing on which way to go. Personally I choose right over left because left often causes you to become screwed in a game. Plus just look at this map! Which do you choose, the one on the right or the one on the left? Well the one on the right (level two) has Yoshi in it and the one on the left (level one) has annoying purple dinosaurs and giant bullet bills in it. Plus the number of one up's (extra lives) possible in level two is incredible. I'll often revisit level two (a side note, being able to replay levels is not only crucial to gaining a 100% completion of the game but it's also an awesome perk) just to gain tons of lives for myself.

Quick tip! Notice in the picture of Yoshi's Island that level one is yellow and level two is red? Well red levels mean that there is more than one way of completing the level. This could mean two finish lines, a pair of wings, or a hidden key and keyhole. These levels later on in the game are a bitch but the feeling gained after beating them is pure ecstasy.

Alright let's do an overview of the game. Oh, and let's pretend the bullet points are in fact bullet bills! Humor me ok?

• The main hero of the game is Mario aka player one aka the better character, he just is. Sorry Luigi but you'll always be number two.
• It is the first game to include Yoshi! He can not only eat enemies and give you an extra boost but if you know where to look there are some special Yoshis who have unique powers due to their color.
• The overworld map and soundtrack to this game are both beautiful. The amount of color used puts a smile on anyone's face. Plus the overworld theme and world titles are so cheerful. Cookie Mountain anyone?
• The point of the game is to rescue Princess Toadstool from an all too familiar turtle, Bowser. First Mario must conquer the seven Koopa Kids in order to reach Bowser's hidden lair.
• There is also a secret world that has some of the most ridiculous level names imaginable even in the 90's. So tubular and gnarly duuuude!

Where to go from here? I know, power ups/abilities of both Mario/Luigi and the various Yoshis. If you've ever played a side-scroller Mario title before you know what that thing on the left it, a red mushroom. It's purpose is to "grow" Mario to full size. If Mario touches an enemy he will shrink back into his tiny midget form. This is the first power up you will come across in the game. It's sometimes very annoying, just like the fire flower, since once touched it takes away any other power up you had and applies its own ability. This means if you say have a cape feather power up, touching a mushroom reverts you to having no cape feather. It's bullshit. 

Ah I just mentioned the other two "storable" power ups; fire flower and cape feather. The fire flower does what its name entails, it enables Mario to shoot fireballs at enemies. This is all good so long as your enemies don't possess a metal shell or aren't made of bone. The fireballs will kill most everything else but tend to shoot downward unless you are holding the "up" arrow on the D-pad. This can be limiting depending on the level layout. The cape feather gives Mario the power of flight, sorta. If given a large enough space Mario can run and soar into the air. He then takes his cape and uses it as a type of parachute that sustains him in the air. Hmm I'm not doing that power up justice. Here, if you don't know what I'm talking about check it out below, 

The cape feather is also useful for killing enemies that the fireball cannot. If Mario is standing or falling he can do a cape spin that not only kills enemies but flips shells and turn blocks. It's a useful tactic making the cape feather the most coveted power up in the game. It is only found on flying Koopas (shell-less Koops who wear red and yellow capes), in green "!" blocks, and rarely in regular "?" blocks. Try to have two cape feathers at all times. 

Quick Tip, these three power ups are storable meaning once Mario touches another power up his previous power up is stored in a small box at the top of the screen. If you wish to use this "extra" power up simply press the "select" button and it will fall from the box.

Onto Yoshis and their amazing abilities.

So Yoshi is the adorable green dinosaur and companion of Mario. He and Mario team up in this game since Bowser has not only taken Princess Toadstool but he's captured several of Yoshi's friends in eggs and given them to his Koopa kids. What a dick of a turtle. Fortunately green Yoshi was not held prisoner in a castle but was instead stuffed into an egg which was put into a question block. He's accessible twice in level two on Yoshi's Island so he's not in there for too long. His pals have to wait a lot longer. Especially the little dude in Larry's castle, poor Yoshi egg was there forever! Green Yoshi is not the only Yoshi in the game, oh no there are three other colors of Yoshi available if you are able to find a Star World portal and are willing to beat the difficult levels found in the mystifying place that is Star World! Heh, I like Star World.

So the easiest way to access Star World (in my professional Nintendo gamer opinion) is in the Donut Plains. You can either do it through Donut Plains one (the first level in Donut Plains) after unlocking the green power switch and running up the wall of green "!" blocks to a key and keyhole about midway through the level or through the Donut Plains' Ghost House by flying up to a secret platform in the first room of the ghost house. Both ways work for they both unlock Donut Secret one which is an underwater level. In order to unlock the Star World portal from here it is necessary to complete the level with the key and keyhole. If memory serves you need Mario to have a cape feather power up to access the key, or the keyhole. You need the cape either way. Congratulations, you have found Star World. So now what?

Star World is relatively small and has portals that connect to various areas on the Dinosaur Land map. Honestly it didn't need the third portal, it's rather useless and should've been moved to Chocolate Island but the game designers absolutely wanted a portal in the middle of the lake. Sigh, whatever. So back to Star World it is indeed the home of the special Yoshis; red, yellow, and blue. Before this time green Yoshi would have a special ability depending on what color shell he ingested. If for say he gulped down a red Koopa shell, green Yoshi could release three fireballs that crisp innocent Koopas into coins. Nifty right? Well the special colored Yoshis can eat any shell and will have the ability of their specific Yoshi color rather than the shell's color. Red Yoshi always spits fire, yellow Yoshi stomps the ground causing small tremors to flip enemies, and blue Yoshi (my favorite) grows wings and flies.

Warning, after a certain amount of time Yoshi completely swallows whatever shell he's holding causing his power to vanish until he swallows a new shell. This means if you're flying you'd better have a place to land or you're screwed!

The gameplay is side-scroller style but unlike certain prior Mario games you are able to backtrack through the level so long as it's within the time limit. A cool perk to this is if you hop off Yoshi to climb a vine he will still be there waiting for you so long as you don't go through any doors or pipes. Back in the day that was badass! The biggest challenge of the side-scroller style is finding a landing for yourself after you jump. The screen only moves so fast and when Mario is falling he doesn't have much time til he hits the ground. This is what makes the final SPECIAL (literally that's what they're called) levels so damn difficult. Most of them are composed of fall away platforms meaning you had better have fast reflexes because once you lose a jumping rhythm you are dead. The SPECIAL world is also the secret world I mentioned earlier with the ridiculous level titles. They are as goes; Gnarly, Tubular, Way Cool, Awesome, Groovy, Mondo, Outrageous, and Funky. Welcome to the 90s children, it's "way cool" and "outrageous". Though I'm one to talk, I still actively say and use the words "rad", "trip", "sick", and of course "dude".

Well that seems like a beefy enough blog post. Can you tell that I love this game? Again audience just wait til I have Zelda fever, it's bound to happen soon since November is Zelda Month. For those entries I may just focus on one aspect of whatever Zelda game I'm talking about since you'd otherwise find a post over a hundred pages. Til later audience and may the D-pad be with you.

A special note, in truth I was actually listening to the Final Fantasy XIII title music while writing this blog post. I just had a craving for it, don't judge me!

Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest

This is jumping back into my SNES roots. Dust off the cartridge, give a short blow, and shove it into the slot while firmly pressing the Restart button. Ah the Super Nintendo was the first system I ever saw in action at age three. Of course I didn't play back then but I observed and fell in love with that grey and purple hunk of plastic.

The Donkey Kong Country series is fantastic. This does not include Donkey Kong 64 (notice the lack of 'country'), rather it covers the SNES DK games as well as the Wii Donkey Kong Country Returns. All four games are awesome in my eyes, the third one is the most lacking though still a fun play. Today we discuss my absolute favorite of the series Diddy's Kong Quest.

Some krunchable bits about the game:

• Donkey Kong is not a playable character rather this is his sidekick Diddy's turn to become the hero. 
• It introduces Dixie Kong, Diddy's girlfriend, who is by far the easiest/most fun to play as due to her ponytail twirl move.
• The game is a side-scroller adventure game which takes place on Crocodile Isle.
• The point of the game is to rescue DK rather than give his banana hoard (the point of the first game) back to King K. Rool.
• DK County 2's soundtrack is beautiful and adds to game's darker touch on the barrel bursting series.

What to say about this game? Hmm, characters seems like a decent place to begin. It's a starting point anyhow.

Now there are four major types of characters in this game; the Kongs, the animal buddies, the Kremlings, and the baddies. The Kongs include the two heroes mentioned earlier, Diddy and Dixie, as well as all their helpful NPC companions Funky, Wrinkly, Swanky, Cranky and of course the damsel in distress DK.

My favorite Kong character is Dixie because she is a badass.

Not only can she perform acrobatics that match Diddy's own (In the first game DK was much slower than Diddy) but she can use her hair to hover to the ground and extend jumps. That's one amazing pony tail. Dixie also has one rocking ending to each level where she wails on a guitar and head bangs. Again, badass Kong.

Real quick, a close second to Dixie would be Cranky Kong. He is the original Donkey Kong from the Mario days and complains about how easy young Kong heroes have it nowadays while giving level advice. He's mean with a cane but clever with nostalgic puns about the old NES days. Best Cranky quote, "I didn't! Whisking off maidens and chucking barrels, seven days a week I was! There was none of this lazin' around on a beach!"

So onto the other beings involved in the game. The Kremlings are the main bad guys who resemble anthropomorphic crocodiles and are found all over the place on Crocodile Isle, surprise there. They let out a funny "Krunk!" sound when you kill them which is always amusing. They are constantly trying to kill you and in a variety of ways ranging from cannons to over sized swords to skeleton ghosts and even ironically to

barrel throwing. Only one type of kremling cannot be killed without touching an invulnerable ! barrel, this guy. Behold the horror that is Kruncha! Just avoid touching them in general because after you tap him he turns red and that ain't good for your extra life count.

In any case there are more things out to kill you besides Kremlings; these things are known as the other "baddies". Some of them are really cute, some of them are really useless, and some of them are really mother fucking annoying as all hell. Such a combination of the two manifests itself in Klampon the snapping little alligator/crocodile thing.

Klampon doesn't really count as a Kremling seeing as how he is an actual reptile without thumbs. He's adorable (in my eyes) and even makes a cute "Snap! Snap!" sound as he scurries across the ground. Plus he is so exotically colored with big bulging eyes. What is not to love? A lot. He's a little bastard of an enemy. Unlike most other baddies this little guy is quick as shit. He also snaps his jaws in rhythm to his "Snaps!" which also happen frequently. The only way to kill him is to jump while his jaw is down otherwise it's bye-bye Kong. Little fucktard. 

Moving on to better and cuter things. The animal buddies I won't spend too much time on cause they aren't really worth it. They do what they sound like they'd do; they help you instead of trying to kill you. There are some crossovers from the previous game with this one which include Rambi, Squawks, and Enguarde. The two main "new" additions are Rattly (the only snake I will ever love) and Squitter (a sneaker wearing spider). Squitter is easily the most rad out of all the animals since he spits two types of web; one kills enemies and the other creates "sky" landings that enable you to cross over areas and reach hidden bonus barrels. Squitter is somewhat of a badass, just not as much as Dixie. 

So the main gameplay of DK Country 2 is side-scroller based with an over world map of each level. Like all DK Country games levels can be replayed as many times as you desire (this is useful for racking up extra lives), have a collectible DK Coin floating around, and include various hidden bonus barrels that reward the Kongs with Kremkoins. The levels are awesome and become horribly difficult, especially if you fully complete the game to 102%. I have done so because I am a lunatic who enjoys completing games to their fullest extent. Just wait til the Zelda posts. 

Anyways the hardest level agreed upon by most people including myself is the last "extra" level called Animal Antics. Throughout this level you don't play as Diddy or Dixie but rather are forcibly changed into your animal companions. Sounds like fun right? Well it fucking isn't! I went through countless lives beating the damn Squawks area.

Try being a bird that constantly has to flap his wings because otherwise he will die surrounded by thorns that kill you and bees with spinning saws for stingers while maneuvering through ever changing wind. Not fucking fun. You feel like a god when you beat it but still not enjoyable. 

What is enjoyable about the game is basically every other level and world because they are creative, have interesting themes (such as volcano, pirate ship, and theme park), and are played to beautiful scores that I still listen/workout to today. My favorite world is in fact the first world (pirate ship!) which gives it even more nostalgic charm. Replaying Gangplank Galleon is similar to discovering in Donkey Kong Country Returns that the first level is named Jungle Hijinx. Nostalgia is my favorite drug which I take in possibly dangerous doses.

Diddy's Kong Quest is a classic game filled with interesting characters, enemies, gameplay, and humor. Just be prepared to swear at Animal Antics. Happy gaming audience!